:+: Hopelessly Devoted To You :+:

guess who's back?

2009-10-20T20:11:00.003+08:00

yes, i am back to make my return to the blogging world. don't expect much drama or juicy gossips or whatever nots. it'll be purely my thoughts and feelings. i guess, blogging has always been my number one true love.

give me a moment, as i try drafting my comeback entry. for the meantime, here's a toast, to a brand new beginning.

yet again.

i'm so useless.

2009-05-07T14:09:00.006+08:00

its not the fact that i failed my final theory thats making me feel so down and demoralised. well, maybe thats partially the cause but its mainly the fact that i let people down thats making me feel like a total piece of useless shit.

yesterday night, right after work, i went for dinner with my sister. she told me this, ' if you pass your driving, i'll get you a car. then i'll take my license. so we can share the car.'

this just shows how much faith she had in me. same goes with my mum who have been telling me that she'll get me my white suzuki swift when i pass. they have high hopes for me but time and time again, all that i do is to let them down.

no, i am not depressed cause i am embarassed that i failed my FTT. but i am depressed cause i don't seem to be able to make my loved ones happy. lets think of it this way, for the nineteen years that i've been alive, whats the one thing that i've done that made my loved ones happy? none. zero. zilch. they shower me with love, care and basically everything that i want. but i give them nothing in return. i'm just a nuisance, aren't i?

i always feel like i am the most blessed person in the world. with family and friends that care so much about me but what have i done for them? absolutely nothing.

i knew i was going to fail even though i stayed up till 1am last night to cram in those shit cause the moment i stepped into the room, my mind went blank. when i pressed the end test button and found out that i failed, i wasn't surprised cause i expected it but i was fucking disappointed with myself.

which made me wander off alone for awhile. i was aimless. i had nowhere to go. i called my mum and i know she's upset cause she thought i'll pull through cause before the test she told me, 'you'll be fine. i prayed for you'. you know how much it hurts each time i hear those words. she prayed for me day and night but all i do is let her down.

(my mum's probably gonna cancel our flight tickets to Jakarta and cancel our bookings at Hotel Mulia cause i can't go due to work. yes, thats how much my mother loves me. dear God, how can i repay her for loving me so much?)

i let everyone down.

before heading off to meet my eldest sister who is discharged from the hospital today, i spent god knows how many dollars on things that are not necessary. i bought a skirt, a dress, a top, shades, hairband, accessories, L'oreal's new rosy whitening range, Dream Hair's products and i pre-ordered a bomber jacket from a spree and just bought a white tunic online. i don't need these things cause i have a drawer full of clothes that i have not worn. i dont need new range of skincare cause my skin already sucks and even the best dermatologist won't be able to do anything about it. i dont need new haircare products cause my hair already resemble dried grass that you see while you're driving along the road.

all i need now is a mug of hot chocolate and a bar of milk chocolate and lock myself up in my room and just let me cry on my own till i feel better.

2009 sucks. every year sucks. i want 2007 back. i think even 2008 is better than 2009.

goodness, im gonna have puffy eyes at work tomorrow. shit.

just my luck.

2009-05-02T21:20:00.003+08:00

i hate how moody i can be when i am unwell. i hate how i can totally not be bothered to pretend to be fine when i am really not in the mood to. i hate how people don't understand that i am not perfect and that i can't be happy and smiley all the time.

and i want people to fucking know that i have feelings and that they should fucking stop treating me like fucking dirt.

fuck. this is what happens when PMS strikes. fuck emotional days.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

perhaps a little keanu reeves later on (the lake house) might make me feel a tad better.

just let me say this one more time .....

FUCK!

29th April 2009 - Awesome Day/Night Out.

2009-04-29T22:19:00.005+08:00

Tuesday - 29th April 2009
Shift - A Shift (7am - 3pm)

woke up at - 5.30am (100%, stamp, chop - late for work)
took cab to work. 12bucks gone.

reached work at 7am. changed, did month end inventory. along with another supervisor, we took five floors.

8am, too sleepy. rushed out to get kopi-o.

9am. coordinator had to go for training. covered for coordinator till lunchtime.

11am, wanted to pee. told supervisor to take over for awhile. got the happiest news for the year - I FINALLY GOT MY PERIOD. ran back to office to look for pad. informed mum about the good news to convince her that i am not pregnant.

12pm, lunch. took a 2omins break instead of my usual 45mins break since i wasn't hungry.

12.30pm, covered co-od while she went for lunch.

1.30pm, had to rush two floors of room checking since the supervisor is off. (fucking hell, my first time covering two floors at the same time). cleared as many checked out rooms as possible.

2.30pm, wrote supervisor's handover report. helped another supervisor did some changes to the VIP arrival room.

2.45pm, slacked at the office. continued with my supervisor's handover report.

3pm, signed off from work. slacked in office.

3.15pm, training.

3.45pm, ran to get coffee. too sleepy, can't stand it.

4pm, meeting with HR.

4.30pm, meeting with LO. was informed that i improved alot! :D

6pm, ended meeting. ran to toilet to change and get ready.

6.40pm, met up with the others from my beloved housekeeping department outside the hotel.

7pm, reached Singapore Flyer!

7.40pm, the 15 of us started on our 3omins kecoh-nak-mampos journey.

8.15pm, got down from flyer. continued with our kecohrable session.

8.30pm, dinner at Popeye's.

9.30pm, everyone figuring out the ways the wanna go back by. some of us going back home, some back to the hotel and some even back to JB! i decided to take cab since my feet was hurting.

9.45pm, STILL NO CAB. one of my china boys didn't wanna leave till i get a cab. HOW SWEET OF HIM PLEASE!

10pm, got a cab like FINALLY.

10.20pm, REACHED HOME TO MY MAMA'S ARMS :D went straight to her room to meet my dearest mummy!

seriously, despite how busy it was today, i had a great day! first, i got my period. secondly, i was told that i was the most improved in terms of grades for IPP. this will motivate me to work even harder now. thirdly, i thank god i didn't give this flyer's outing a miss cause i almost did but one of my dearest housekeeping aunties persuaded me to go and told me 'your menstrual cramps will go away when you're with us'. true enough! it was extremely fun! (even though the ride was kinda boring, WE made it fun! non-stop laughters!) from supervisors, to room attendants, to coordinators, to a trainee like me. from uncles, to aunties, to young guys and young girls. didn't i tell you i am from a colourful department? ;)

seriously, with people like THEM, i'll find it extremely hard to leave in June.

but seeing Ms Gan again just now made me realise that the place that i truly belong at is none other than Nanyang Polytechnic.

kthanxbai. i am working at 9am tomorrow. i need to shower and go to bed.

good night world. thank you, everyone for the great day :D

2009-04-26T23:52:00.003+08:00

apart from being tired and being completely sucked out by work, i think i am doing fine. well, i've been having mood swings lately and i blame my pills for this. a few people came up to me and commented that i've been rather moody lately. honestly, i am just a little unwell lately. the flu bug bit me in the ass and my nose have been dripping with mucus since the past few days, i've been running a temperature since last night and i am getting drowsy from the flu med. my appetite to eat just *kaput* as i pushed away my fried bee hoon and settled for some cold cheng tng instead to cool myself down. i almost puked out my skinny vanilla latte and i swear this will be my first and last time having latte with low fat milk cause i swear, it sucks. full cream milk ftw!

i am addicted to cranberries. i can never ever live through a day without my cranberry juice. i'll never leave home without my cranberry-flavoured ricola lozenges and my latest addiction is the cranberry country loaf by Gardenia! it tastes so good i can have four slices for breakfast! (i only have the appetite to eat this!)

work's been okay. this week was busy with so many different groups checking in. i know i always say i hate internship, but i hate the fact that i still have two more places to go before i officially bid goodbye to the hotel industry cause i hate how i have to start everything all over again. you know, those 'adapting to the new environment' kinda thing. cause i am starting to feel comfortable with the people right here. not only from my beloved housekeeping department, but also those from other departments as well.

April is coming to an end and soon it's going to be May. By the end of june, i'll be leaving the hotel. frankly, i am happy here at the four star hotel that i am working in (its just a tad inconvenient for me but its okay, i am getting used to it). HOWEVER, that doesnt change the fact that i am missing school like fuck and that my ass is itching to go back to school!

its my sunday-monday off and i am thankful cause i need some rest. i just survived 6 afternoon shifts and boy was it challenging!

the flu medication's effect is starting to kick in. i can hardly see the screen now.

anyways, just an update to say that i am doing well and that i have no life.

its okay, i am halfway through it, I SHALL SURVIVE.

i WILL survive.

NIGHT LOVELIES! :D

guilty like no other.

2009-04-22T00:05:00.001+08:00

i feel so guilty.
so fucking guilty.

so guilty, i feel like breaking down and cry.

nothing positive.

2009-04-19T22:41:00.004+08:00

i may not dread work as much as i used to but i still count down to the day that i'll officially end my internship. i hate myself for being so pessimistic and for not believing in myself. for example, when i am thown into something completely new to me, i begin to have doubts in myself. i have doubts in my ability to perform the job well.

this is the reason why i hate myself. i hate the fact that i lack self-esteem. i want to build up my self-confidence cause i am rather sure that i'll be a much better person if i am more confident.

no matter how shitty i feel, every single day when i go to work, i put up a fake front. i always pretend to be all happy and cheerful, like my usual self. but sometimes, only God knows whats going through my mind.

only God knows how much i am haunted by my own thoughts.

shucks. this medication really sucks. my boobs have been hurting for the entire day. hurts so bad till i had to stop doing work in the midst of inspecting a VIP room with my supervisor just to let the pain go off a little bit.

but then again, i always put up my fucking stupid fake front and hide my pain.

and i bloody well succeeded. i am that damn good at pretending, don't you know.

and oh, just for the record, the service at Tampines One's Secret Recipe sucks to the blooooooooody core. even with 84954540 staff on floor, it took them half an hour before i got my Hazelnut Latte, another whooping half an hour for our chocolate mud pie and chicken cornie and a painful forty-five minutes to get single scoop vanilla ice cream. nope, we weren't the only ones complaining.

what a terrible experience i had just now.

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

2009-04-18T20:57:00.002+08:00

so after delaying for god knows how long, i decided to consult the doctor. cause yeaps, i've missed my period for close to 6 months already. thats equivalent to half a year.

doctor: i know its kinda weird to ask this in front of your mum but are you sexually active?
me: NO! OF COURSE NOT!
mum: its okay, you can just do a pregnancy test.
doctor: well, she dont look 6 mths pregnant to me.

so the main reasons why i havent been getting my period could be due to the fact that i lost weight and that i am naturally born anaemic.

so im currently on Norethisterone.

side effects?

Like many medicines norethisterone may cause side-effects in some patients, particularly when you first start taking them. The side-effects that some other patients have had with norethisterone include breakthrough bleeding, particularly when treatment is continuous over a long period. Occasionally, periods may stop, become irregular or prolonged and heavy, or spotting may be experienced.

Other reported side-effects are feeling sick or being sick, stomach ache, acne, swelling of the ankles, weight gain, appetite changes, headache, dizziness, depression, itching, skin rashes, breast changes, including discomfort, ovarian cysts, discoloration of the skin, hair loss, changes in sex drive, drowsiness, tiredness or sleeplessness, mood changes and other pre-menstrual syndrome-like symptoms, high blood sugar, fever, worsening of vision in patients who are short sighted, minor eye changes which may cause difficulties if you wear contact lenses and changes in liver function.

kanasai. the side effects are similar to the side effects my sister gets while she's on steroids to treat her illness.

shit shit shit shit shit.

any ideas on where i can throw my tablets?

depressed.

2009-04-11T20:39:00.003+08:00

hear me whine.

i will give anything and everything just to get my ass back to school. i'd rather slog for projects, bore myself to death in the freezing classroom, rush through tutorials during breaks, get my ass to attend an 8oclock lecture and endure boring lecturers.

i swear, i'll do anything just to go to school when the new semester starts. if only we can give attachment a miss.

i have always LOVED school but going through internship just make me love school even more. i can't believe i still have 4 and 1/2 months to go! :(

i feel like, i am missing out on a whole lot of things since i'll be too tired or sleepy to do anything after work and i only have one day off per week to basically do everything that i intend to do for the entire week.

its physically and mentally draining. its not affecting me emotionally YET but i think it will soon since i am such a crybaby :(

i'm sorry to bore all of you with my endless whinings but i really, really want to go to school back. REALLLLLLLLLLY REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY want to.

sigh, i wish i can take a sneak peek at what i'll be doing a year from now cause honestly, i have NOTHING in mind.

im so depressed. im so depressed. im so depressed. im so depressed. im so depressed. im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.im so depressed.

help. i feel like crying now. i hope whatever i've been doing for the past few years will be beneficial to me in some ways. cause i'd hate to learn that the most amazing phase of my life is not the most fruitful one afterall.

and i don't want to believe that i slog like shit for olevels and scored ten points just to get into this course and left the JC of my choice just for something thats not .... useful.

this is very, Very, VERY depressing.

fuck.

but it feels as though you were standing here with me.

2009-04-08T08:40:00.003+08:00

the song came on and i was fighting the urge to cry. tears were welling up in my eyes and you came into my mind.

everything about you came alive.

your eyes, your smile and even the smell of you cologne.

it was as though you were right there beside me.

i closed my eyes, took in a deep breath and slowly opened it again.

thats when i realised the last time you were by my side was eight long months ago.

2009-04-07T08:52:00.003+08:00

i'm seriously wondering if i have just chosen the wrong path. now i am left clueless, clueless of what i am going to do next.

have i been wasting my time for the past couple of years or so learning something that won't be useful to me in the future? nope, i haven't been wasting my time. cause i'll have to say, Poly life is one the fucking best moments of my life.

so which career path will i choose?

with the current condition, i doubt my dreams of working with SIA can turn into a reality.

so i might continue studying for another two years.

in NIE.

word to note : MIGHT

i feel like having some smoked salmon sandwich. or another round of chocolate fondue.

highly orgasmic. oooooooooh lala ~

when was the last time?

2009-04-02T09:06:00.000+08:00

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Whyd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

it feels so good to lie in bed on a lazy morning and just tune in to your favourite music while your mind drift away to a place far, far away.

when was the last time i did this?

way too long ago.

way, way too long ago.

its so hard to say goodbye.

2009-03-28T19:29:00.003+08:00

thats me, at 4.3oam in Terminal Three's toilet. thanks to my mum who voluntarily offered to drop me off at the airport so that i don't have pay for midnight cab charges. woke up at 3am in the morning so that i can send my dearest friends off for their internship in Orlando, Florida. (and went to work after that, thank you very much. i was wonderwoman today! will say more later!) imagine, 6 months without Sarah Sam. i think, its gonna be hell, even though her mum (who is really nice, i swear! i love her!) kept insisting that its ONLY six months. i'm gonna miss sarah, tyng, sean, pei rong, jo big time and maybe not so much of benji cause he totally hurt me this morning. haha.

so i gave ben a hug before he left and said,

me: awwww, ben! im so gonna miss your monotonous voice!
ben: yeah, and i'm gonna miss your ....

*long awkward silence*

ben: skinniness.
thomas: damn, ben. thats so pervetic!
me: wtf bennn?! you mean i dont mean anything to you?! i am just your skinny classmate that you're gonna miss for her skinninessss?!

haha, i was totally kidding when i said i wont miss ben. of course i'll miss him. i'll miss all of them. i hope six months will be over soon :(

the most important thing is, i didn't have a picture with sarah. the only pics i have with her are in her mother's phone.

but of course, i'm gonna miss her truckloads. who's gonna text me and make me giggle alone on the train now? who's gonna nag at me and pester me to eat? who's gonna talk to me nonsense all the time?

who who who?!

nobody can replace my sarah sam :(

i hate goodbyes. but i was proud of myself cause i didnt cry!

and i miss my sister too. she's having the time of her life over in KL. blooooody internship, i can't go along :( the room feels so bare and empty and quiet without her here.

and i miss this little boy too. my little baby boy :(

anyways, work's been fine. i'll be going into my fifth week of internship! time really flies. piles of paperwork for me lately and spending way too much time in the office (and walking around with the manager ocassionally to handle stuffs), which is great cause i get to meet basically everyone. it was so bloody relaxing in the office just now since both the boss and the manager are not in but it was a busy day with endless phonecalls. i had to rush through an entire month's report, i had to sit in for the coordinators when they were away, i had to rush up and help a room attendant to do up a room thats for urgent cleaning, i had to settle a China Airlines room. WHOAAAAAAA. and it doesnt help to know that i was up as early as 3am that morning and that i was extremely sleepy. i had to edit my report so many times cause i keep making mistakes.

i think, at the end of four months, i'm gonna miss all of them here at ***** ******* ****.

i have so many things to buy but i am like so broke. even if my pay comes in, i wont be rich cause my pay is pathetic. i want to get

- Mary Jane heels
- Wedges
- Bandage Skirt
- Dressssssssssses
- Makeup !!!!!
- Skincare (NECESSITY! )
- Escada Perfume cause i dropped my Elizabeth Arden perfume and the glass shattered and now i'm surviving on Lancome's Miracle and the almost empty Bvlgari.
- Flats
- New lenses

with my pathetic pay, i can barely get half of the things i have on my list. so anyone care to fund/sponsor me?

size 39 for shoes, UK 6-8 for clothes and erm, bring me along when you wanna buy me makeup/skincare/lenses?

hehe, sesungguhnya aku memang tak malu.

and i cant believe my family is so onnnnzz about this earth hour thingy. they are actually lighting candles. WTFFFFFFF.

confessions of a shopaholic

2009-03-22T18:59:00.002+08:00

as the title suggests, i am a shopaholic indeed. even before my pay comes in, i've already been splurging on clothes, belts, leggings and hairbands. i am almost broke, trying to cut back on my (extremely bad) spending habit and be patient at least until my pay comes in.

you see, i still get money from my mom monthly. about $400 per month. my sister will give me what i call 'shopping allowance' thats approximately $200 per month. guess what, all that is almost gone now. but before you start cursing me, i actually need to set the record straight cause even though my mum offered to pay my phone bills, i told her that i should learn to be responsible and independent. slowly, but surely. i can proudly say that i've been paying my own bill since two years back. no matter how little i earn, i will still pay my own bill. (that proves that i am not too pampered afterall!)

but right now, i CANNOT hold back any longer. it sucks to just look at things and not own them. you know like 'see no touch' kinda thing. i had to really control myself when i was in town yesterday after work, looking at those gorgeous tops/dresses from forever 21, accesories from ALDO and makeup from Sephora. and i almost gave in just now at Parkway's Charle's and Keith when i saw the perfect pair of heels that i've been looking for.

so to make sure that i STOP spending, i quickly get a cab and go home. on the cab ride home, i started reading the new book i recently purchased ...

CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC.

i was torn between Brida by Paulo Coelho, Thanks for The Memories by Cecilia Ahern and Confessions of a Shopaholic. i bought the latter cause i think, this is what i really need right now cause perhaps, i could relate well to her.

(im still looking for A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini, so if anyone have it, please pass it to me so i dont actually need to buy it?)

sigh, its a sunday night and i am home all alone. i told my family i'll give tonight's family outing a miss cause i am too tired from work and i have to get up for yet another morning shift tomorrow. i'll be having morning shifts for the next two weeks, which is a good thing cause i get to leave early but that also mean that i have to sleep early and get up early.

On a different note, today's my last day as a room attendant (yay!) and from tomorrow onwards i will be attached to my Assistant Executive Housekeeper. so loads and loads of paperwork for me now! but im thankful for housekeeping cause i get to try alot of things. after this, i still need to try out coordinator, supervisor and laundry so there's alot of things to look forward to!

i had a dream last night. i dreamt of him.

its been months. i really, really want to see him again. i can still remember the last time we met - his smile, his voice. so captivating.

i really, really miss him :(

with that, GOOD NIGHT! :D

2009-03-17T13:36:00.006+08:00

[edit] they say, when your right eye twitches, you're gonna meet someone you haven't seen for a long while. if your left eye twitches, you're gonna cry.

for the past few days, my left eye have been twitching. i tried not to be to think of it and pretended that nothing happen.

but no, those 'predictions' are pretty accurate, most of the time. and they are definitely accurate this time round.

:(

[/edit]

results out and i kinda expected the Cplus for Human Resource Management, my worst subject for the sem. alhamdulilah, i made it through year two. here i am, serving six months of 'national service'. after which, i only have one more semester in school. i hope at that point of time, time will pass by slowly. cause i am not prepared to step into the working life yet.

had to take an emergency unpaid leave yesterday, am hoping that it won't affect my grades much. its my off day today and imma head to the chalet soon. this will be my last week doing rooms and on monday, i'll be doing coordinator instead. ~~(did i mention that i am starting to feel attached to the people at work?)~~ i hope no one from the hotel find my blog cause news spread fast there! within minutes yesterday, i had people texting me asking me why i took unpaid leave and if i am ok -.-

i hope i have happier days ahead. will August just come sooner? nope, not because attachment will officially end that month, but there's alot of exciting things happening.

i'm keeping my fingers crossed that by June, i can start decorating my own room :D

i need a life. i want my old life back. PRONTO.

pictures next time! :D

shower me with positivity.

2009-03-12T19:14:00.003+08:00

pros and cons of being posted to housekeeping -

Cons -

(a) its physically taxing if you're still a room attendant. 15 to 20 rooms a day is no joke.
(b) Most of your colleagues are aunties and china people.
(c) i either have to wake up very early for work, or come home at 12plus or 1am (but this is the same for every other department so I SHALL NOT COMPLAIN)
(d) my uniform is bloody ugly. its like, orange top and brown knee-length skirt. i resemble a carrot, i swear.
(e)i am ALWAYS hungry.

Pros -

(a) i am thankful i am posted to housekeeping cause unlike most people in other departments, my first few weeks will be tough. but once i am posted to other parts within housekeeping, it'll be simpler. so basically, i'll just have to suffer for the first three weeks or so and things will get better after that.
(b) i have nice supervisors and manager. the supervisors will even come and help me with the beds. tell me to go for lunch whenever i am hungry, tell me to rest when i am tired and not to push myself too hard.
(c) the aunties there are really nice and caring. you'll end up loving them like your own mother.
(d) the china people are harmless. its just hard to communicate with them.
(e)i dont think i am gaining weight despite eating like a monster. my uniform got slightly looser but no, i dont think i lost weight :D
(f) after awhile, you get used to the backaches/headaches/brainaches/bodyaches etc.

well, maybe being in housekeeping aint so bad afterall. speaking to H (one of the supervisors in my department) just now made me realise that, i should be thankful that i am here cause once im done with this rooms part, my job will be pretty relaxing. i shall have to endure for a little while more.

anyways, i am thankful that i have friends who are very caring towards me especially since now they know my job is tough. great chat with Eileen, who is a TP student who is also in housekeeping with me (my lunch buddy!) and fionne over lunch just now. great that my two friends can get along just fine. at times like this, when we are all still adapting to a new environment, we need to be there for each other and give each other our support cause only those going through the same thing can really understand you.

but then again. being in housekeeping really open up my eyes and allow me to be thankful with the life that i am leading. lets put it this way, i will be slogging at work as a room attendant for three weeks and i already complain, what about those who've been doing this for the past 8 years of their life? doing the same thing every single day? secondly, no matter how tired i am or how much my back is aching, when i get back, i still continue living the easy and luxurious life that i've been living for the past 19 years. i still have my maid at home, my mum is still pampering me like a baby, i can use the internet,watch tv, go out etc etc while some of them are still at work now, working overtime so that they can earn more money.

us humans, we're never grateful for the things that we have. but now, i am starting to appreciate whatever that i am blessed with.

come on, i'll suffer for six months.

but i still have an entire life ahead of me. so i should remain positive.

right?

ps: to whoever who intend to marry me, please be informed that the duit hantaran will increase. oi, dah boleh kemas rumah ok. tak rugi kahwin akuuuuuuuu!

hello you.

2009-03-09T13:40:00.004+08:00

it's been too long. as expected, i've been completely detached from the world. work is exceptionally tiring and it will continue to be tiring for the next two weeks or so cause i'm still doing rooms. i swear, i come home with a backache everyday and i have a new bruise on my knee each time i end work. if i am working the 8 oclock shift, i'll usually be up by 5.30 cause i need to get the 6.25 bus so that i can reach work by 7.45am. yes, thats how long the journey is. yesterday and today are my off days and my next off day will be next tuesday, which is chalet day. so on monday night at 11pm, i expect to see Yan in his Hyundai Tucson waiting for me outside my workplace.

work is so fucking tiring, i'll usually fall asleep by 9pm or so. and i've been sleeping with my mum alot cause i miss her so much. boooo. haha, but i know it hurts my mum alot to see me come home so shagged and tired with bruises every day. i was awaken a couple of nights ago cause my mum was making sure that the comforter is wrapping my body nicely so that i won't feel the cold and i can feel her warm hands brushing my hair when i sleep. i know its painful for her to see her pampered little baby like this but she knows that its time i GROW UP. i've been a baby for the past 19 years, its time i grow up.

but things will get better once this room cleaning phase is over. i'll be put mostly in supervisor role and my next task is as a coordinator which is to take calls and do up reports. i'll be a coordinator for a couple of weeks and then i'll move on to supervisor role which is mostly to check the rooms, check the minibar, ensure they are ready for check in etc. my last two weeks there, i'll be under the laundry department with Aunty S! Aunty S is like a mummy to me already. she told me she cant wait for us to work together in the laundry department. no, i wont be washing clothes or whatever. i'll be doing the admin stuff like ensuring they are going for the right laundry service (express etc) and ensure that the staff's uniforms are perfectly in place. i dont mind the fact that i have to work 6 days per week and my off days are not fixed, i just need to endure throughout this room cleaning period. after which, i hope i'll be better.

anyways, there's a reason why i dont disclose the name of the hotel i am attached to here. its cause i dont want them to google and find my blog. i dont care if the lecturers are gonna read all my whinings cause i just emailed my LO and complaint to her about how exhausted i am. haha, and i can't believe she actually tolerated me.

i am rather sure right now that the hotel industry is not where i wanna be in after i graduate. if i can't get an airline job, i'll work in an office. speaking of airline, my mother was so cute when she saw my bruises and said, " so how are you gonna apply for SIA? you've got bruises on ur knees now!" haha, damn. i'm gonna make sure they're gone, ma. there's always stockings/concealer to cover them up!

i've been eating alot these days cause i feel hungry all the time! when i say i eat alot, i really mean ALOT. like i've said before, i've been trying to put on a couple of kgs cause i want to be healthier. i've missed my period for four months in a row already and thats not healthy. i reckon its due to my weight loss. dont worry, once i start being a coordinator or supervisor, i'll start putting on the weight! :D

and oh, this is rather embarassing but, i failed my basic theory test this morning. WAHAHAHAH. kthxbai.

till i update again whenever i am freeeee. work again tomorrow :(
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

thats me, exactly a year ago. was i healthy or was i fat? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

a new beginning, a better one i hope.

2009-03-01T08:01:00.002+08:00

its officially the first of March. the third month for the year. time really flies.

i've had a rough week. my eyes are swollen from crying too much but not to worry, i am better now. i've always been known as the strong one but people got to see the real me this week. the vulnerable, weak and helpless massie. i've never cried in public before but i broke down in the midst of a meal in Pastamania, i broke down while walking to the train station, i broke down on my way back, i cried myself to sleep, i broke down each time my mum tries to talk to me about it. basically, i cried for three consecutive days cause i was that hurt.

but as i've said, i will be better. insya'Allah. i'm giving it some time and hopefully, things will get better soon.

i'll officially start attachment tomorrow. six long months of working life which means my social life will go downhill for six months. find me again on the 31st of August. i'll have all the time in the world to devote to all of you.

had supper with the cousins last night after attending a wedding, a much needed one indeed. my dosage of laughter and yes, it made me feel a whole lot better.

so here's a new beginning. a new month, a new life as a 'working adult' and hopefully, a new and better me.

i thought 2009 will be better than 2008 but its starting to suck as much as 2008.
but then again, a year as amazing as 2007 will most probably come by once in our life, perhaps?
or maybe its too soon to judge.

i wonder. but i hope from now on, things just keeps getting better cause i've had enough heartbreaks for now.

scratch that. i've had more than enough heartbreaks for now.

2009-02-27T09:29:00.002+08:00

my eyes are swollen from crying.
my head's hurting so badly.
i am just lost.
i am so lost, i don't know what i need to do next.

for now, i am just gonna let things remain this way cause you want it to be this way.

as long as you're happy, i'll try to be happy.

2009-02-26T15:19:00.001+08:00

if no one fucking cares about me anymore, just say it.
just fucking say it.

2009-02-25T20:11:00.002+08:00

perhaps its about time you understand what i feel.
cause YOU don't have time for me while he does.
he takes me out whenever he's free, check on me when he's not.
ask me how i am doing all the time.

when was the last time you did that with me? a month ago?

it hurts cause you're someone i love so much and you're slowly turning into a stranger to me.

its time you understand how much i am hurting. its time you understand how i feel.

today's been a rather emotional day. i am trying my best not to cry. not only because my leg is hurting like hell but also about other things. but i shall keep things to myself. let me swallow all this pain by myself.

i'll be fine.

soon enough.

ps: to my girls, i'm sorry i gotta give this girls night out a miss. will make up for it. promise.

whole new beginning

2009-02-23T22:08:00.004+08:00

~~feels like insomnia.~~

i am so sleepy right now, i won't be surprised if i fall asleep halfway through typing this entry. got up early in the morning to go to the first hotel that i will be attached to for the first four months. good location, i must say even though the journey from home to my workplace will be excrutiatingly long. at least, there's a place for me to chillout at after work! thats of course, if i have the strength to do anything else after my shift.

you see, i've always trusted my gut feelings and i've had this strong feeling that i'll be posted to the housekeeping department ever since Renny told me that she's posted to her hotel's housekeeping department.

and my instincts were absolutely spot on.

i am posted to the houskeeping department indeed. initially, i was kinda excited for it but i got a little scared when my HR told me that i need to start eating more, i need to drink milk everyday and consume at least 2000 calories cause i will end up burning everything and Ms Gan(i am thankful to have her as my LO, i swear) told me that i cannot skip meals now.

you see, renny and i are two skinny girls. and us two skinny girls are posted to the housekeeping department which is exciting but it'll be physically demanding. so expect to see an even skinnier us by the end of the four months. after this four months, we're gonna be shifted to another hotel and another department. so maybe we can start putting on weight when we're doing something more relaxed!

it'll be kinda fun though cause i was told that they will slowly allow me to try out the supervisory roles but the first few weeks will be challenging cause thats when i need to cleans rooms and all. but its time i learn all this! i've been living an easy and luxurious life since i was born and will only do housework when (a) my maid is not around or (b) its hari raya.

so i start work next week but the first three days will just be orientation and normal trainings with all the others. so once i officially start work, expect me to be completely detached from the outside world cause i bet i'll be dead beat by the time i end my shift. but i think i'll be up for dinners and coffee after work! :D

it will be challenging but its my grades we're talking about here so im gonna take this seriously. looking on the bright side, i'll have a 2 months well deserved break from 31st august onwards! (I'LL BE FREE ON MY BIRTHDAY, FORMULA ONE, HARI RAYA, 2/3 OF FASTING MONTH!)

gahhhhhhhh, i am so sleeeeeeeeepy. and i need to go JB early tomorrow morning. booo.

nights people. imma watch Academy Awards soon.

but i think the Academy Awards will be watching me (sleep) instead.

2009-02-21T20:40:00.005+08:00

i want Tim Tams.

and hot chocolate. and do a tim tam slam (its too darn cool. everyone should try it!)

to make me feel better. cause i feel like shit.

quickie, again.

2009-02-18T10:09:00.002+08:00

good morning, world.

life's been treating me well and i'm enjoying every bit of my holidays. from lazing around at home to spending time outside. everything's going well for me :)

i should really make full use of my break and rest before i start attachment the week after next. i'm excited to know which department i will be posted to - F&B, front office or housekeeping. oh my god, i can't imagine myself making beds and cleaning rooms for four months but it'll be a whole new experience if i am posted to the housekeeping department!

i totally fucked my papers and i don't wanna think about results. finance was total bullshit and HRM is #$#$@$#$#$#%$%$.

it was my mum's bday on sunday and we had a nice family dinner at Bilal Restaurant. my sister and i got her an Armani Exchange watch, a box of ferrero rocher and a birthday card. so right now, i am kinda broke. booooooooooo. but its okay. anything for the woman i love most in life! :D

and as usual, i get roses delivered right to my doorstep every valentine's day and will be getting them every vday until the day i get married. ooooooooh, sounds sweet.

;)

okay, gotta go. just a quickie to tell everyone that i am alive. and kicking.

take care loves! <3

2009-02-16T08:32:00.001+08:00

will.update.soon.

see ya soon!

:D

WEEEEEEEEEEEE.

2009-02-11T18:02:00.002+08:00

four down, TWO MORE TO GO.

and take me seriously when i say, I AM GOING TO GAIN WEIGHT. since my target weight previously was 45kg, i will try gaining to 45kg.

hopefully, I'LL BE HEALTHIER! :D

WHAT SAY YOUUUUUUUU?

faith.

2009-02-08T08:39:00.002+08:00

i hate how i am feeling right now.

i have absolutely no faith in myself. none. zilch. zero. its like, whatever i've done is never enough and there's always this voice inside my head that's telling me 'you're not working hard enough, you're gonna fail'.

its my second paper tomorrow and its business law. i love the module but I HATE HOW MUCH WE HAVE TO REMEMBER. can't wait for friday to come. i want to sleep in and just do whatever i want without feeling guilty.

but before that, i have to sit for one exam paper at 9am everyday next week.

seems like i'll be having redbull for breakfast for a week.

quickie.

2009-02-04T20:55:00.003+08:00

okay hi, i know i am not supposed to be blogging but i am fucking tired from studying for exams. been mugging with the gang at different parts of the airport and well, it is in fact both fun and productive! <3 you guys, many.

on a different note, i already know where i will be posted to for my IPP but i am still unsure of my position. well, for my IPP, i will be rotating between 3 different hotels and 3 different departments so thats the reason why its attractive i guess. i'll be spending four months at *not mentioning it here*, one month each at the other two hotels under Accor Hospitality. if you read the chinese/malay paper last two weeks or so, there's an article about the signing of memorandum between NYP and Accor. i am hoping i'm gonna have a fruitful six months and learn as much as possible from there :)

and right now, i am really serious when i say i need to stop losing weight! i am unhealthily 42.5 kg and i'll be dead if my mum knows. I SWEAR TO GOD THAT I'VE BEEN EATING AND I HAVEN'T BEEN TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT AT ALL. IN FACT, I'VE BEEN EATING MORE THAN USUAL AND I DON'T INTEND TO LOSE ANYMORE WEIGHT CAUSE I CAN ALREADY SEE MY BONES, I NO LONGER HAVE BOOBS, MY ASS IS GONE AND I CAN SLIDE IN AND OUT OF MY JEANS WITHOUT UNZIPPING/UNBUTTONING IT.

me in July/August 2008 at a healthy 48-49kg.

me now at 42.5 - 43kg.

shit. i don't wanna look sick and i don't wanna be sick. i wanna be healthy but i don't wanna be round as well.

i am confused. help?

kay i shall get back to business finance.

hiatus.

2009-01-31T00:01:00.003+08:00

(pardon the face, please)

hi world. i've started my airport mugging and boy was it one helluva effective session. believe it or not, hayah and i actually managed to complete an entire module while we were there. yes, one frigging module. we started studying after having a sumptuous lunch at coffee bean (our usual spot but i am thinking of switching back to Starbucks or try studying at Gloria Jeans instead). the smoked salmon ciabatta is awesome! we were so proud of ourselves for completing an entire module, we headed to terminal three for dessert to reward ourselves :D

on a different note, i'm gonna go on a hiatus. see you guys again on the 13th of February!

loads of love,

Massie <3

ps, to youuuuuu,

come home one piece, please. i'm gonna miss you :(

crazy little thing called 'love'?

2009-01-27T22:01:00.002+08:00

i think we all know that rushing things is never a good thing. especially when it comes to relationships.

recently, i've been trying my very best to find ways to tell someone that i don't intend to be with him and that i don't want to be leading him on cause i am a firm believer that leading people on is one of the biggest sins ever.

so here, i am gonna share with all of you one of the craziest things that happened to me recently.

there's this dude. he seems like a nice guy. tall, fair and well, good-looking (according to my mum). the first time i met him, he asked me whats my name. so being the nice person that i am (cue to puke), i told him my name and then he introduced himself. after that day, i didn't see him until a couple of months. unfortunately, we met again and so we spoke again. this time, he asked me which school i am studying in and what course i'm taking and stuff like that.

okay, so for now we only spoke twice right?

guess what happened next?

he told his parents to come down and meet my mum and 'give this relationship a name'.

LIKE WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK?

so my mum told me that his parents came down to meet my mum and was hoping that i was there so that they can see me but THANK GOODNESS I FELL SICK THAT DAY AND DIDNT TURN UP THAT FATEFUL DAY. so my mum, being the nicest woman in the world, told them that i am still studying and that i am still young so she told them that this won't be such a good idea.

unfortunately (AGAIN), the next time they met my mum, i was there. i tried my very best not to be rude or whatsoever and treated them nicely. within minutes, their son came. and he is the first guy in the world who passed me a love letter in front of my mum. (like wth, love letter? ITS 2009. PEOPLE SEND MESSAGES VIA FACEBOOK. no more love letters!love letter is so primary five ok!) so in the letter, he left me his number. as i've said, i dislike leading people on, so i ignored him and didn't call or text him.

i thought he got the hint and would back off. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO. HE TOLD HIS PARENTS TO COME DOWN AGAIN and his parents tried to convince my mother to give them my telephone number. i swear i won't talk to my mum ever again if she EVER pass them my number. my mother gave them the same reason that i am still young and i still wanna study and whatnots but they still kept insisting. but still, my mum won't give in.

so just last week, i got back and my mum called me over. she told me the dude came to see her again and this time, he was asking my mother for my number but of course, my mum didn't give it to him. she told him i am currently busy and that i don't have time for anything these days. good job, ma. keep coming up with reasons.

SERIOUSLY, THIS DUDE NEEDS HELP. i bet he doesn't even know my age and here he is, asking his parents to meet my mum and all. this news is already spreading fast within the family (mind you, my family is extremely heyuuuge) and its turning into one big joke.

DUDDDEEE, we're now in the 21st century. so please, get out from whichever era that you've been stuck at and realise that things are different now and that times have changed.

honestly, i don't dislike him or whatever. but all these things gets really annoying after awhile. i mean, i wouldn't mind being friends with him but CAN HE JUST SLOW DOWN A LITTLE BIT? i told faiz about it and he was so pissed off, he warned me not to ever call or text that guy.

well faiz, you don't have to tell me. i know what to do.

for now, i really wish that he will get the hint. cause really, i dont wanna hurt him or anything. so guys, help me. what can i do to make this guy STOP? i seriously need help cause i don't know what else i can do. why am i so suay? only weirdos (like him) will fall for me!

anyways, on to other things. today's kinda productive. i stayed home the whole day and i am almost done with 5 lectures of HHops. not bad at all. might be heading to school to study tomorrow since my airport buddy is out of town. I NEED TO START FOCUSING ON EXAMS AND STOP GETTING DISTRACTED BY EVERYTHING.

so much to do, so little time.
boooooooo.

do you got a first aid kit handy?

2009-01-26T10:09:00.001+08:00

my heart is damaged.
so how you gonna fix it?

the beginning of late nights and caffeine overdose.

2009-01-24T23:58:00.003+08:00

i am on my second cup of coffee but being a strong coffee drinker, coffee just dont seem to work on me anymore. i know redbull will be a much better option for me but i am trying to be a good daughter and listen to my mum who recently gave me a long lecture, asking me to cut down on redbull and telling me that its bad for health. but i swear, i am extremely tempted to go down and get a can of it right now.

we're done with projects which means its time to go full force mugging for exams. which translates to many, many cups of coffee and many, many more late nights. i am desperately trying to pull my GPA up cause dropping to 3 from 3.2 due to my disastrous performance last semester is not cool yo. its time i pull up my socks and work my ass off.

to my dearest LIFO and dearest HB, work hard for the exams, lovelies! six months without all of you will be a very difficult thing indeed. but we'll pull through six months of working life, come back to school one piece and have fun together during our last semester in school.

and youuuuuuuu, do take care of yourself there! you know i can't live without a friend like you.
will miss you deep deep x100.

with that, good night and a happy chinese new year to those celebrating it!

<3 style="font-style: italic;">its about time i convice myself that he's just not the one for me. its about time to really move on this time. the signs are becoming clearer and clearer. we're just not meant to be.

Quickie

2009-01-22T23:52:00.002+08:00

i am truly sorry for the lack of updates but do understand that i am currently extremely busy with projects and school related activities. i swear, even my social life is going down the drain.

and oh, i passed the interview and got accepted along with a few others. unexpected, really but i am really thankful cause i do believe that this will be a great experience for all of us who got selected.

till then, Good Night!

<3

of random things.

2009-01-18T07:55:00.004+08:00

replies to taggers -

faithashley: megan foxxxxxxxx is hot shit! she's so sexy. i have a lesbian crush on her. WOW. study, girl! exams will be in THREE WEEKS!

rach: its okay, really :D thanks, by the way.

fixedarm: its okay and thanks alright :)

sarah: TOPPPPEST FRIEND, HELLO!

ain: haha, i think its that raja farah girl! alot of people told me the same thing. kiki from manja lara. that guy's girlfriend i think. that jehan miskin guy in the show.

Nadeeea : heybabe! thanks alright, i really appreciate it alot! :D

Hid : thanks love! love you!

---------------------

good morning, world. i know it's been long since i last posted a proper entry so here goes nothing.

nothing much happened, apart from being extremely busy with school related stuff, attending kenduris and spending time with those who really matters most to you. right now, my main focus is to study for exams. with six papers to study for and exams will be approximately three weeks away, i foresee myself slogging like shit for the next couple of weeks or so.

but it's okay, i'll survive, hopefully.

on a different note, my cousin sarah told me this a few days ago -

sarah: ayu, you know, everyone is worried for you. you're losing too much weight. are you okay? you know i'll be here for you whenever you need me, in the middle of the night or in the middle of exams, i don't care. i am just a phone call away.

recently, my relatives and friends have been approaching me asking me if i am okay. uncle bird and uncle malik dragged me to one side on uncle's third day kenduri and asked if i have any eating problems or if i am on some extreme dieting program. my late uncle thahir's last words to me before he went for surgery was that, he thinks i am getting too thin and told my mum to force food down my throat and jokingly asked me if i just puked out my fillet o fish. jay archilles told me hugging me is like hugging a skeleton - but to him, a skeleton looks better. his friend, Bob (the only skinny Bob i know!) called me a toothpick. miss gan approached me again and asked if i starve myself and i tried to change the subject by asking her to see how skinny nadia is instead. a few people said i look sick and the list goes on.

honestly, i haven't lost that much weight. well, i dropped a little more recently but my weight is still around 43.5 to 44kg. i've been eating healthily and i am not sick or whatsoever (unless of course, missing your period for almost two months is an illness, then yeap, i am sick). i do notice my clothes getting bigger though. perhaps i am just losing inches instead of kgs? whatever it is, the bottomline is, i am healthy so please don't worry! i am really touched cause so many people are concerned and i don't want to make anyone worry either, especially my family and close friends.

anyways, we had an interview with Accor Hospitality on Friday and my group consists of helmi, nadia and myself. i screw up the interview, as expected while Nadia and Helmi aced it. they will inform us whether we're selected next week and i think i already know the answer cause i swear, i was babbling nonsense all the way. i wonder if ANYONE will ever employ me.

lastlyyyyyy, recently i changed my phone number and most of my contacts are stored in my old phone SO BASICALLY, I'VE LOST ALMOST ALL OF MY CONTACTS. please email me your phone number at masturawahab@gmail.com. take note that i am no longer using 9146**** :)

alright, hope this entry is long enough. i've got a long day ahead of me. its pigging out day. i just had two nutella toasts and a cup of coffee for breakfast and i am going to coffee bean for lunch.

and then dinner at fish&co with the family, yay :D

have a great week, people!

you're beautiful

2009-01-13T21:11:00.003+08:00

i really love their makeup ...

Nicole Scherzinger
Kim Kardashian

Audrey Hepburn

Cheryl Cole

Anne Hathaway

Beyonce

Penelope Cruz

Megan Fox

dark smokey eyes.
dewy and glowy skin.

the two things i really look out for.
don't these girls just look amazingly fabulous?

ps: proper entry and tags will be replied soon! :D

2009-01-09T21:53:00.003+08:00

up till now, i am still hoping that this is all a bad dream and that i'll wake up and my uncle will still be here. but no, this is the reality.

as you all know, my uncle, Ahmad Bin Mohamed, passed away peacefully on Thursday, 8th January 2009 at 1.19am. approximately three days after his bypass surgery. it was really shocking for all of us cause we expected the bypass surgery to make him better. we told him to go for this surgery so that he could be strong and healthy like he used to.

right after his surgery, he was unconcious throughout. each and everyone of us will rush back from work/school every night to visit him at the ICU. it doesnt matter if we could only see him through the glass doors. we just wanted to be there for him, to give him the support he needs for him to recover. but as the days pass, there was no improvement in his condition. in fact, it worsened. it was really heartbreaking to see him lying on the hospital bed fighting for his life. it hurts really bad to see him like that.

on that wednesday evening, we were all told that he was in a critical condition. everyone wasted no time and rushed from wherever we were to be at the hospital. we all prayed for him. we wanted to be there for my aunt and my cousins. we all left the hospital at around 11pm to get some rest at home.

i got home, fell asleep for half and hour and my mum woke me up. it was as though i was dreaming. but her words sent me to tears.

none of us slept for the entire night. i reached the hospital and saw almost all of my relatives sitting on the floor, crying. i hugged my aunt tight. i hugged my cousins. i felt their pain.

maybe i was abit young when my dad passed away but my uncle's death really made me go through the pain of losing a dad all over again. that's the main reason why i was really affected by his death.

i still can't believe he is gone. he is one of the liveliest man alive. i can still hear his laughter until now. he's not gonna be around to secretly put additional bryani rice on our plates so that we'll eat more. he's not gonna be coming over to my place for kway teow soup. he's not gonna call me Gargahayu anymore. he's not gonna tell me 'everytime i watch this show, i will always think of you cause the actress look like you!'. he's not gonna make us laugh with all this funny antics anymore.

my family just lost one great man. but i believe he is in a much better place now and that he is happy now, alongside my father, his parents and God.

im just glad, we managed to spend the last moments of his life with him. we cancelled our usual indonesia trip and celebrated hari raya haji at his place. he managed to spare some time to join us for our KL trip. and almost all of us were there before he went for his surgery, joking around with him.

uncle, i'm gonna miss you. you've touched all our lives. we will always remember you.

------------------------

replies to taggers :

fixedarm: will look for it! thanks :)

rach : no problem babe. thanks anyways. :)

qudsia: awwwwwww i love our family too!

ain: thanks love but god loves him more. thanks again yeah. anyways, is she that raja farah girl? cause is she is then i've been getting that alot! but i dont seem to see the resemblance!

renny: yes! we'll make it through!

2009 don't seem to be a good year.

2009-01-08T07:41:00.001+08:00

i can't believe this is happening :(
i'll miss you, uncle.
and i will always keep you in my prayers.

of friends and family.

2009-01-05T07:15:00.005+08:00

replies to taggers:

fixedarm: yeah i love to read. who's the author anyways? thanks for suggesting! :D

Pull: hello skinny number 2. yeah, its been a long while. you action you.

Sarah: if you get me a GB, i'll definitely like it. HAHAHA. anyways, FINANCE IS ANNOYING UGH.

ain: i shall take that advice! seeeeeeeeee ya around darling!

passerby: haha, thank you so much :D

-----------------------

i've been up since 4am, trying my best to absorb some relevant information for business finance. hoping that it'll at least be sufficient for me to pass. but truth be told, nothing is going in. okay, perhaps they are going in but they just don't seem to be staying inside my pea-sized brain. so i decided to give up entirely and read through my Wine and Fine Dining notes instead.

i was over at ray's dad's wake last saturday and i really admire how much strength kah ray has. despite being in such a difficult situation, he was so strong. he made us laugh the entire time we were there. i, for one, knows how it feels like to lose a father. its not easy and i really admire how strong he is.

the thing about my group of friends and i is that, we're still as close as before even though now we're all taking different paths, leading different lifes. we're all doing our own things now but everything else remain unchanged. our care, concern and love for one another will never go away. its still the same as it was 6 years ago.

like us. 6 years and we're still going on strong. our friendship went through a lot of ups and downs but we stood up and its made our friendship even stronger. nope, they are not just my bestfriends. they are my sisters. somehow, without any one of them in my life, i'll feel extremely incomplete.

my mind is not at ease today. my uncle is finally convinced to go for a bypass surgery and his surgery will take place later at 10am. almost all of my relatives were at the hospital last night keeping him company (and yeah, knowing how huge my family is and how noisy we are, we almost get chased out). he was still his bubbly self. i don't seem to sense any fear in his eyes or perhaps he is just not showing it. thats another strong man there. guys, do me a simple favor? take a minute and pray that his surgery will be a success? cause i'll give anything in this world to see him all strong and healthy once again.

<3

it'll go away, i hope.

2009-01-02T23:25:00.003+08:00

i swear to God that right now, i am extremely stressed out.

with one ICA this Monday, five project deadlines within the next two to three weeks and six-fucking-examination papers in roughly a month or so, i can go crazy right about now.

however, i won't say that 2009 will be a bad year for me cause the year barely started and this is just a common phase in life that all of us have to go through. i am just hoping i'll survive this torturous phase of my life.

no, i promised myself i'll be more optimistic.

i WILL survive this torturous phase and 2009 will be an ass-kicking year for me. you better watch out.

goodbye 2008, hello 2009.

2009-01-01T10:00:00.005+08:00

replies to taggers:

shahida: hey love! the outing was extremely fun but it would have been better if you're there! anyways, happy new year alright. may we still be as tight as we are now. love ya!

natrisha: thanks gorgeous! happy new year to you alright!

X: hey there, i dont think my diet changed that much but thanks for telling me! i shall look into it. and thanks for the compliment dear! :D happy new year!

fixedarm: happy new year! :D

--------------------

im really amazed. one year can go by just like that.

as you guys already know, 2008 wasn't a splendid year for me. too many heartbreaking events, too much tears shed but i'll be lying if i say that there weren't any events that made me happy, that made me smile. it was a bittersweet year, but it's definitely not one of the best years.

its the new year. brand new chapter, brand new beginning. i wish to start everything all over again. i want to be a stronger individual. i want to learn how to love myself. i want to have a higher self-esteem. i want to learn how to be optimistic (same resolution, every year.

i sincerely hope 2009 will be a better year for me - filled with happiness, laughter and love.
~~can i have GB as well?~~

here's a toast to a brand new year. may the year ahead be a fulfilling and blessed year for all of us <3

A MESSAGE TO MY DEAREST BOEY KAH RAY,
I WILL BE HERE FOR YOU ANYTIME YOU NEED ME.
PLEASE BE STRONG.
WE LOVE YOU <3

one more day.

2008-12-30T21:08:00.004+08:00

replies to taggers:

Elissa: Hey gorgeous! yeah, my dream is to be with Emirates but i can only apply when i am 21 :( ur sister's in etihad right? anyways, thanks love!

Sary: HiHi. we will apply together okay?! :D

Sarah: HAHAHAHA thanks woman. i love you many <3

Ana: hey love. thanks for the compliment! hahaha i dont really have good skin! anyways, i dont use expensive makeup and skincare either. im using revlon foundation and ZA powder. for skincare, im using clean and clear's toner, moisturizer and cleanser and ZA's dewy effect emulsion. all cheap and affordable. especially for students like me! :D

----------------------------------

you know, i think its about time i become a stronger person. someone who can fight for my own right. someone who can stand up for herself. someone who won't let people take advantage of her easily.

i neeeeed to be that stronger person. that shall be one of my new year's resolution.

thank god for friends who are always there for me.
now i know how to distinguish the difference between friends and true friends.

ps: end of year entry tomorrow or thursday! :D

all i want for xmas is a little self-esteem.

2008-12-28T10:37:00.007+08:00

at times, i really envy those with high self-esteem. i really hope that one fine day, i can be a confident girl myself.

i've never seen myself as a beautiful person and i don't think that i am ugly either. i've always felt that i fall somewhere in between. average, in short. and yes, i am someone who is dependent on makeup to make myself look better.

but the thing is, at least i put in the effort to make myself look a little presentable. i hate it when i go out and people who are working as service providers come to work with their plain, i-just-got-up-from-bed-and-i-dont-need-makeup-cause-i-am-too-gorgeous-already faces. okay fine, maybe you are naturally pretty but FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, will a little lip gloss or just some mascara kill you?

the reason why i am a very makeup person is because i want to save people from having to stare at my naturally smelly, bangun tido face and try my very best to look presentable. to me, the way i look is extremely important. i can never live without EYELINER. i love experimenting with makeup and i love eyeshadows,lipglosses and every other makeup product. if you come to my room, you'll find that i have a drawer full of makeup and beauty products - pallettes of eyeshadows, lipglosses, primers, mineral sprays, facial cleansers, moisturisers, toners, normal eyeliners, coloured eyeliners, foundation and basically everything else.

SO YES I AM SOMEONE WHO REALLY CARE ABOUT THE WAY I LOOK AND NOPE I DONT THINK I AM BLESSED WITH SOMETHING PEOPLE CALL 'NATURAL BEAUTY'.

sometimes, i wish i have more confidence in myself but there is something very wrong with my self-esteem. but at the same time, i don't wanna be over confident cause over confidence can be a wee bit annoying at times.

yes, confidence is sexy but too much of everything won't do you any good as well.

anyways, i discussed with my family about my career plans after i graduate and my mum is quite supportive of the fact that i wanna fly once im done with school. im thinking of SIA but they are so strict and are extremely particular about choosing their cabin crew, i am having doubts :(

now you know why i absolutely detest my low self-esteem.

-------------------------------------

on a different note altogether, i miss my period. AGAIN. so being the google/yahoo/search engine person that i am, i went to search the causes of late/missed periods cause i am rather sure that i am NOT PREGNANT unless of course, i was raped in the middle of the night or i am the next virgin mary.

stress - VERY VERY POSSIBLE
Illness - i doubt a slight fever and cold can cause much damage right?
change in schedules - doubt so.
change in medication - i am not on any form of medication whatsoever
being overweight - errrrrrr, i don't think so? haha.
being underweight - 44kg is not severely underweight so i doubt so.
miscalculation - not possible cause my period have always been regular!
Menopause - AT 18?!
Pregnancy - yeah, there's probably alot of shit in my tummy.

so stress, you are the number one reason why my period is starting to become so irregular. screw you.

and school resume tomorrow. four weeks of school and then E-X-A-M-S once again. back to studying day and night and oh, coffee bean breakfasts. yummmmmmmmmm :)

ps: end of year entry coming up!

my daddy.

2008-12-26T10:54:00.002+08:00

if he's still here, he'll turn 61 today.

but its been 8 years, and i can hardly believe the fact that he's been gone for so long. i didn't know that even after 8 long years, the wound is not completely healed. even after 8 years, i still cry on my bed whenever i dream of him. even after 8 years, i still wonder why God took him away way too early. even after 8 years, i am still imagining how life will be like if he's still here with me.

i am sure my life will be much better if he's here, here with me.

dearest papa,

i know i may not be a good daughter or someone you can be proud of but nothing can change the fact that i will love you till the day that i die.

happy birthday papa. i hope you're happy there. i really wish i can hug you and wish you a happy birthday.

and i hope you're missing me as much as i am missing you.

a pig in the making.

2008-12-24T10:27:00.002+08:00

i hate the cold weather.
its making me eat like a pigggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!
my breakfast consisted of -

one granola bar
one apple
and are you ready for this?

12 STICKS OF CHOCOLATE LOVE LETTERS AND THATS A WHOOOOOOPING 3 SERVING AND 450 CALORIES.

(i intend to go back to he kitchen and go for more now)

im gonna be 45kg in 2 hours time.

anyways, its xmas eve!
im allowed to be a pig and pig out, right?

:)

Malaysia Boleh!

2008-12-20T11:25:00.014+08:00

Good morning world!
i got back from KL on thursday night and i am still alive and kicking! even though i am just a little sick.

anyways, it was a great trip. 4 days 3 nights was a little too short for us so i am hoping there's another trip for us sometime soon cause i barely ventured 1/2 of Pavilion and 1/8 of Bukit Bintang. Mr B totally pangseh-ed me on the last night cause he promised to come and we're all supposed to hang out at the strech of cafes in Pavilion but i ended up in starbucks with my mum at Bukit Bintang - which wasn't a bad thing of course! its a holiday so i should be spending time with my family :)

spent 3/4 of my money on food (the food court in pavilion is awesssssssssssssome) and we ate non stop! subway, kenny rogers, nasi padang, JCO Donuts, Dunkin Donuts, hotel food, birthday cakes, famous amos, CHIPS AND MORE CHIPS, kacang goreng, kebab and many many more. i must be a fatso by now. BOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

and oooh, bumped onto 345354994 people there! awesomeeeeee :)

so now its back to projects and schoooooool :( and i am sick. my throat hurts and yesterday, i cant swallow a damn thing. i had a sandwich for lunch and that lasted me for the entire day. grrrrr, now i am hungry like a monster!

and i dropped out of the film thingy. it was hard for me to tell them that i dont wanna do it and i felt so bad but i need time for my schoolwork :( im sorry guys.

so here are the picturesssssssssssss ! enjoy :)

k dah penat. byeeeeeeeeeee <3

LOVEBUG.

2008-12-14T22:44:00.003+08:00

im leaving very early tomorrow morning. 4am to be exact which means i'll have to be up really, really early as well. gosh, this sounds crazy. but i AM looking forward to KL though but i am not looking forward to gaining weight (cause i foresee myself pigging out like what i have been doing for the past few days!)

i don't know if i should feel touched or what when my personal mentor, Ms Gan actually came to me to ask me if i am well cause she thinks i'm losing too much weight. i've never thought that i've lost too much weight but i was touched by the fact that she was concerned when all this while i've always thought that she don't really like me. oh well.

and i went for the second auditions on friday evening and met four awesome girls there. all four of us clicked immediately and we laughed throughout. it was funnnnnnn and guess what, i actually got the part. boooooo. i swear, i don't know HOW i am going to act and my schedule's gonna be extremely tight !! :(

hmmm. i can smell KL already. even though im dying to be in Dubai around this time of the year but its okay. Dubai can wait a little longer :) i hope the internet connection at the apartment doesn't screw up or anything. I STILL WANNA BE IN TOUCH WITH THE WORLD !!

before i leave, here's a loveeeeeeeeeely guy with a LOVEEEEEEEEEELY voice. i want a boyfriend who can sing like him I DONT CARE.

go check out his videos alright!

move over chris browwwwwn! my sleepy-eyed dude is taking over the (internet) world! i've been bitten by the lovebug!

one of the best <3

2008-12-10T23:32:00.004+08:00

what an awesome day spent with an awesome person. starbucks takeaways, random shots, crazy stunts. the day couldn't get any better :)

Ana Behibek Sarah (Arabic)

Volim Te Sarah (Croatia)

Je t'aime Sarah (Francaisss!)

Ich Liebe Dich (German)

Aku Sayang Sarah (Indonesian/Malay)

Te Amo Sarah (Spanish)

*sorry, dont know how to say it in THAI*

thats basically i love sarah in different languages. no, don't get the wrong idea. we're not lesbian partners or what, she's just one of the bestest friends i've ever had and i really thank god cause she is my friend.
Sushi Picnic soon, aye China? :D

warning: extremely long picture post of just sarah and i

term break will officially start on friday and i have a gazillion things to do before i leave for my long awaited shopping trip to KL. my weekends will be packed and i will be leaving for KL possibly on Sunday night and will be back either on wednesday or thursday. and i'm kinda psyched to go to GENTING cause poor massie have been to theme parks in Europe and Australia but not the one in Genting. i need some thrill rides baby! the scarier the better :D

i've been stuffing myself with foooooood and more fooooooooooood lately. i won't be surprised if i turn into a fatso soon!

my BFF left for Japan early yesterday morning. Get back soon, hommie! i am missing you already :(

oh, you know whats the joke of the year? i'm among the four shortlisted ones for the second round auditions for the lead role of that short film. goodness, i'm such a bad actress. i can't be doing this! *the first audition was fun though. hehe*

have a great week lovelies. i know i can hardly wait for Fridaaaaaaaay! <3<3

the wheel of life is spinning.

2008-12-05T09:51:00.000+08:00

all i really need right now, is a shoulder for my to cry on. i am just too stressed out over schoolwork and i swear, i can just break down and cry any moment. i hate this semester and its making me sick to know that we're only halfway through this stressful-as-hell semester. i haven't been getting enough sleep, i don't have the appetite to eat, i have been moody and god knows what else.

its hard to pretend to be lively and cheerful when i am probably at the lowest point in life. faking a smile is never an easy thing to do but no worries, i am fucking good at it. i am so good at pretending to be okay that people don't know that i am suffering deep inside.

and it hurts me even more when people assume that i am suffering from an eating disorder. no, i am not. for the very last time, i am not too skinny and i am not anorexic/bullimic or whatever you wanna call me. STOP IT ALREADY CAUSE I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT ALREADY. yes, i dropped another kg again but it wasn't intentional.

seriously, life cannot get any worse. someone,anyone. please, understand what i am going through? cause i don't seem to be able to find anyone who can truly understand what i am feeling right now.

and you know, i feel so betrayed right now. i trusted you so fucking much and THIS is what we get from you. i can't believe you've been lying to us for one year. one fucking year. i swear, you dont deserve us.

THIS is all due to stress. NOT CAUSE OF EATING DISORDER. GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT.

everyone's dream picture. massie without makeup and massie looking fat.

My Bff

dear god.

2008-12-01T20:06:00.002+08:00

(mummy's angels)

i'll give anything in this world so that my sister will be healthy again. it hurts me so much to see her sick. i'm glad that right now, she's getting better but God, please, don't torture her like that anymore. she's been through enough in life. please give her happiness and don't take that beautiful smile away from that beautiful face.

proper update tomorrow. off to study for HRM test now.

*sigh*

why can't everyday be like today?

2008-11-28T19:50:00.004+08:00

today just felt like it was a perfect day. even though its just a normal day that i spend in school with the same people but i just felt at ease, like as though i have no worries. everything just seemed to flow so well. from the moment i stumbled out of bed and made my way to the toilet to wash up, felt the warm water falling on my back. getting out of the toilet, changing into a comfortable pair of shorts and singlet as i went to the kitchen and fix breakfast. i sat in front of the oven, as i watched my bread, the margarine melting and overflowing, causing a huge mess. i sat down with my breakfast at the dining table, checked my emails and was accompanied by amazing tunes on the radio.

everything was just beautiful. nothing seems to go wrong. how i wish everyday can be like this.

sarah, hayah and myself watched WildChild today. a little too chick flicky but i was fine with it cause the last bimbotic show i watched was House Bunny. we smuggled in chicken kebabs into the cinema instead of our usual subway sandwiches and i swear, the kebab was the best thing i've ever tasted in the longest time! it's heyuuge but i managed to finish it up and i am rather sure that its not because i was starving! the chicken, the sauces, the vegetables all wrapped in tortilla. it was A-W-E-S-O-M-E. i swear i was so tempted to run down and get myself another one. i bought another two kebabs and brought them home for my family and they LOVED it. well, except for my second sister who is stupid enough to NOT LOVE KEBAB and my mum cause she doesn't eat chicken.

anyways, i suggest all of you try the kebab out. its at AMK Hub's basement 2 and the stall name is Ali Baba Kebab. i tried the chicken kebab but i'm sure that the beef kebab tastes as good! :D well, i might be a little bias cause i LOVE middle eastern/turkish food. especially kebabs and couscous! its just hard to find REALLY GOOD middle eastern food in Singapore. omg, i am now craving for authentic morrocan couscous! *drools*

the highlight of today is probably when he smiled at me and i was surprised that i actually gathered enough courage to wave right back at him. i know its just a friendly gesture but, hell yeah, it really made my day :D

well, i better go off and get some studying done. Human Resource Management test on tuesday and it doesn't help abit to know that this is the module i hate most this semester. and you know whats even better? sarah and i are reps for this module that's hated by well, almost everyone.

why the fuck are we studying this again?

yet another new beginning.

2008-11-27T19:28:00.005+08:00

so here i am. back to the place that contain a thousand and one memories. back to the place where i first started. back to the place where my passion for blogging started to bloom.

as we all know, i'm not really basking in happiness lately.my entries at hereverydaysins.livejournal.com were all so depressing and i really don't like the sight of that. i dare say that 2008 is by far one of the worst years of my life and God knows how much i love 2007. it was an amazing year, probably the best. i was happy throughout the year. 2008, on the other hand, have successfully transformed me into a bitter, sad and grumpy person. i suffered a major heartbreak, i went through several problems, i shed more tears than i can ever remember. each day of my life, i hope that the year's gonna get better. i tried to be positive. i tried to be happy but i just can't. well, i can't deny that some of the things that happened in 2008 really made me happy (i am sure people's gonna start chanting GB's name but hey, he's the best thing in 2008 for me. go ahead and roll your eyes but at least thinking of him makes me a less bitter person) but the shit that i went through this year really outweigh the good times that i've had.

BUT, the year's coming to an end. i am really hoping that the year ahead will be a much better year for my friends, my family and of course, myself. i wanna leave everything behind and move on. i'm gonna start being optimistic and look forward to the upcoming year.

i know, i deserve to be happy and i will be happy.

for now, here's a toast to yet another brand new beginning at a not so brand new site.

i hereby declare that hereverydaysins.livejournal.com is officially abandoned my yours truly and that the reason why i am not deleting it is because, i still wanna read my friends' locked entries.

till then, have a pleasant week ahead :D

you'll be here, no matter what!

2008-04-19T00:44:00.002+08:00

asyraf told me to never ever delete this blog cause reading past entries about school just make him feel good.

i swear to myself, this blog is not going anywhere unless of course blogger decides to shut down or something. but i will never delete it. i dont think i'll ever have enough courage to delete it. i basically grew up here. i started off as a young 14 year old kid and here i am, an 18 year old teenager who looks well, like a 25 year old :)

reading old entries can just make me smile like an imbecile alone. if only i can turn back time. if you noticed, i've never ever deleted this blog. yes, i changed url a couple of times but i never delete it. its cause i dont want to. this site means sooo much to me.

it started off as trisya.blogspot.com and in 2006, i changed to hereverydaysins.blogspot.com and last year, i changed it again to makemeloveyoumore.blogspot.com. sweet memories. ahhh, how i miss those good ol' times.

dear god, can i please turn back time? i promise i'll be a good girl if this wish of mine come true :(

First OH OH 8 entry.

2008-02-18T20:38:00.002+08:00

Hi, Blogspot.

i think i miss blogging using blogger. i shall be an asshole real soon and move here back. haha, okay no. maybe i shall stick to eljay but i will drop by here once in a while.

nobody reads this domain anymore. i can bullcrap anything i want herrrrre.

woohoo.

hello you lovely boy.
i think i miss you.

say goodbye.

2007-11-19T23:03:00.000+08:00

MOVED TO http://hereverydaysins.livejournal.com

:D

but this site shall remain here and it is NOT going anywhere.

see ya at my new site!

ps: do relink me if u want to. thanks! :)

Kirim Aku Malaikat Mu

2007-11-18T18:39:00.000+08:00

how fast a situation can change can be so unbelievable at times. things were never like this. it was so beautiful then. the love for one another, the unity, the care and concern for one another. now everything is vanished. it happened too fast, we didn't even realise it.

anyhow, have a listen to this song. it's by the indonesian singer named Bunga Citra Lestari (yeah, Ashraf Sinclair's gf). I'm not a big fan of her actually, but i have this song on repeat mode. And i can't deny the fact that she's gorgeous. i heard it when i watched the movie Cinta Pertama ( starring her and ben joshua). maybe if you have some extra time in hand, catch it on YouTube. the movie is a little slow but it'll be worth your time, i think.

(sorrrrrrrrry, me don't know how to resize it )

it's the 18th of november today. i wish december will come sooner.

hellooo, Dubai. i'm on my way there soon.

:D

hate it.

2007-11-17T00:29:00.000+08:00

hello, all!

guess what!?

i have got a strong feeling that i just screwed up my Effective Writing paper! erm, how awesome is that eh? my first test for the term and i already murdered it. wow, i just kicked start my semester on a very good note.

i'm feeling all cranky because of this stupid thing. i can't even do my marketing project properly. maybe it's been a long day. i think i should call it a day, sleep and get my mind off things.

:(

just my luck

2007-11-15T23:28:00.000+08:00

if you ask me how i'm feeling right now, i'll tell you i don't have an answer.

i've been spending quality time with my bestfriend and my very close friends. having fun with them is definitely something that i look forward to no matter how depress i feel. but on the downside, work is piling up. i have a project due next week and i still have not done anything. i have a test on monday and damn, i hardly know what's going on. i have another test the following week and i am still trying my best to understand that module.

oh and you know whats the best thing of all?

i have a test tomorrow and i have yet to study anything. and guess what? its exactly 11.36pm right now.

somehow, i can see myself walking around with big, huge trash bags under my two fake-green eyes tomorrow. seems like a bad combo, don't you think?

ahhhh, shit. i'm darn sleepy. i'm hoping that i at least can squeeze in something into my head. it's an effective writing test tomorrow, anyways. looking for punctuation and spelling errors and writing a letter/memo/email using block format.

i mean, it can't be too difficult.

right?

just hope my brain won't screw up tomorrow. wish me luck. i know i need loads and loads of it.

for the meantime

2007-11-14T23:11:00.000+08:00

i'm not gonna care about anything and do things that satisfy me most.
afterall, it's my life i'm talking about here.

ps: i'm extremely busy for the time being. do forgive me :)

pretending to be fine when i'm not.

2007-11-12T08:35:00.001+08:00

coz no one understand what i feel.

i'm keeping it to myself, again.

will be back soon.

sister to sister.

2007-11-08T00:21:00.000+08:00

Between Sisters
~ by Laura Medley ~

Between Sisters,
There Is a Special
Bond of Love

Being sisters means
sharing a lot of things
throughout life...

Being sisters means
knowing certain things
about each other
and feeling special feelings
for one another.
It is a relationship
we have seen change with time,
and yet, in many ways,
it remains the same.

I know there have been times
when being sisters wasn't easy,
because our differences
pulled us in new directions.
But we always knew
that we cared about one another.
That's the beautiful part
of being sisters.
Even though life is full of changes,
we will always have each other,
and we will always share
a special bond of love.

i am glad i have my sister with me. she's the one person i know i can turn to whenever i need someone to make me feel right once more.

and i want her to know that i will always be there for her too.

without my sister, i'm as good as empty.

(picture taken way back in april)

no words can describe how proud i am to have a sister like her. she went through hell in life but as they say, good things come to those who wait. i know she's very happy with the life that she's leading right now and i can never be happier for her. what more can i ask for than to see my sister happy, right?

i'm just waiting patiently for that day when my sister will become a bride for the first time in her life. (i still can't absorb the fact that people thinks she's a divorcee!) i'm sure its gonna be a beautiful wedding - just how she imagined it to be.

why am i talking about my sister's wedding?! hah, no. she's not getting married anytime soon. not that i know of, at least. but i'm gonna make sure i am the first person to know if she is getting married!

and wei Mr B, don't ever make my sister sad okay! if you ever do that,i pancitkan your evo ar!!! ;) or i'll make you pay $1.50 for the bread and water just now! :p

T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E

2007-11-07T15:23:00.000+08:00

this morning, i laughed too hard till i teared. but that joy i felt was only for a moment.

i'm ill. terribly ill. i don't know what is wrong with me. a couple of weeks back, a certain part of my body hurts so bad, it began swelling and turning red. now, i'm having a bad cold. on-off headaches and i don't know why but i'm losing my appetite as well.

for the past few days, i barely eat one proper meal per day.

&i've been given two new classes for work which means i have to leave my present kids. i'm gonna miss my sweet Li Minn, my pretty Nicole, my handsome Sanders and the most responsible 7-year-old kid i've ever met, Nicholas.

&&i miss my hotstuff, J.C. Its been a week since i last saw him :(

they say things that happen for a first time, might not happen for a second time. but things that happen for the second time, will definitely happen for the third time - Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist

I'm still waiting for my third time lucky, J.C

i feel terrible.

help.

a cinderella story

2007-11-05T20:54:00.000+08:00

so i am back from KL feeling a little tired and sick. tired coz it was only a one night stay and sick coz i've been sneezing non stop.

anyhow, speaking of KL. guess who i bumped into while i was there?

Nope, not only Abg Mail from Brisbane. but also.......

Siti Nurhaliza and Datuk K!

hah! but no, i didnt snap a picture with Datuk K. segan beb. i really, really like how humble they are. They are so nice and friendly. Siti actually waited for us to get our camera from the car and my stupid eldest sister accidentally stepped on her foot.

we were checking out from the hotel when a really gorgeous Audi drove in. thats when i saw Datuk K and Siti Nurhaliza getting off the car. they were there to meet some of Datuk K's kampung mates, according to their driver. i'm no big fan of Siti but i got really excited when i see her. wei, bukan calang-calang orang hor!

i used to criticise the fact that she marry a man who is twenty years older than her but now, i'm gonna take my words back. Datuk K is very, very handsome indeed! He don't look his age at all! To top things off, he's really nice! Even though he is a Datuk and has a gorgeous wife (swear her skin is fucking flawless!), he don't have his nose high up in the air! now i think the phrase empty vessels make the loudest sound is making sense afterall, don't you think?

Maybe marrying a rich, old man ain't a bad thing afterall right? heh, i heard Datuk K have three sons. or issit four?

come on, i'm here. i'll say yes if his son propose to me.

that way, i can be a tai tai and not work. all i have to do is attend prestigious events, mingle with high society women, get huge diamond ring on my birthday and not to forget, spend my husband's fortune. ahh, being a tai tai is starting to sound really, really attractive.

so, any rich tycoon our there?

i think i need to stop fantasizing. anyone willing to help me burst my bubble?

but hey, you never know. maybe one day prince william might propose to me? nah, not Harry. William's in line to be king. he sounds like a better deal.

Queen Mastura.

they say impossible is nothing.

;)

if that happens, it truly is A Cinderella Story.

image heavy part 2.

2007-11-04T23:46:00.000+08:00

ahhhhhhh. finally, i found the time to upload pictures here.

this week's totally finnnnnnnne :) everything's perfect. i feel good.

but on the downside, i'm a a tad upset. i can't believe Arsenal actually EQUALIZED. Man Utd was conned! okay fine, i'm sure a sore loser.

anyways, i'm honestly not in the mood to update about anything. other than the fact that i'll be leaving for KL tomorrow so i will be uncontactable via mobile.i need to shop! oh, maybe i shal let you all in on a secret. a little secret.

i'm going on a vacation next month. from the 23rd of december till the 31st. destination?

that shall remain a secret, for now ;)

but you know i'm excited for it coz i've never been there before.

anyhow, i'm gonna leave you guys with peeeeeeeeeeek-tures. (in random order.)

okay done. some of the pictures not uploaded here will most probably be on friendster coz i feel safer there since my profile is private.

i'm shagged. before i go, heres a shoutout to my dearest SAMMY! HAPPY 18TH BDAY LOVE! cant be at ur party coz ur dearest massie gonna be in KL but i do hope you have fun! see ya on tuesday!

:D

omg, sam! you're now legal!

;)

sorry, my loves.

2007-10-31T20:17:00.000+08:00

honestly, i really wanna blog.
but i've been getting this stupid headache since last night.

really sorry.
i'll update soon, promise.

:(

i simply can't believe it.

2007-10-30T10:03:00.000+08:00

i think i just kick start my day in the best possible way.
i predict today will be way better than usual.

how hot!

i promised pictures eyy?
maybe tonight, when i reach home.

for the meantime, let me enjoy this day. i'm still smiling and grinning away.

i feel so lucky.
my girls envy me today.

:)
ahhhh. if only everyday can be like today.

good morning, sweet little earthlings!

friends are so.....

2007-10-29T23:30:00.000+08:00

....therapeutic.

their presence just makes me feel so complete. morning dosage of laughter with Asiq. Making me laugh during my tutorial. asiq, although i honestly think you look like a total mat now with your hair and your skinnies, i still think that you're one of my best friends to sakat :) Thank god for you, Asiq!!!!! pssst, dude. please shut up about my 'lady illness' !!!

Evening madness with by bestest friend, Rachel De Silva (somehow, everyone thinks she's malay!). From bus madness to food issues to zip problem to getting lost. (now now, whoever said bedok stadium is within walking distance from bedok mrt?!) too bad the match today wasn't as entertaining as always and that bestfriend of mine just kept paying attention on the cheerleaders instead of on the game itself. BUT, when theres me and her, nothing can be boring to the both of us. somehow, we always find a way to perk things up. heard i kena buih by two of my guy friends.(wont mention who but apology accepted.) thanks eh, boys!

whatever the crazy mats were saying just now. what does he mean by saying, " jangan senyum byk-byk dik, nanti gigi jatuh." ?

hahaha! initially, i wanted to ignore them but after hearing that, i just couldn't help it. seriously can't! whatever la all these mats.

kahau aka emocow still owe me lunch. i'm gonna haunt him down right now.

i seriously wonder what i'll do without them. i'll probably rot and die. they make up one half of my life while my family takes the other half. now i'm sure you guys can see how significantly important they're all to me.

proper entry with pictures by tomorrow. can't promise but i'll try my best.

<3

ps: i feel so much better now. the weekends plus today really, really made me feel whole again.

pps: shahida abdullah, we need a date soon!

crying my eyes out.

2007-10-26T23:20:00.001+08:00

i have pictures to upload. i have happy events to talk about.

but i'm not in the right mood and the right state of mind to talk about those. coz things have been bugging me lately. maybe i'm being paranoid. maybe my intuitions are true afterall. maybe i just think too much. maybe its the stupid, shitass period that came two weeks early that's making me feel like a total loser physically, mentally and emotionally.

sometimes i do wish life is all about being happy with no such crap such as issues, problems or paranoia bothering you. some claimed all these crap are the ones that make life interesting. yeah, we say that when we're not going through it. but when we are going through all that, we then realize, at that very moment, that its not that interesting afterall. its a huge pain to the head, to the brain. and most of the time, to the heart.

:(

i've been getting frequent headaches lately. i don't know if its because i haven't been resting enough or maybe cause i have low blood sugar level. i have a strong feeling its the latter. i will just get a headache at random moments. like now. please go away. please don't add on to my misery.

i was just looking up the calendar a few days back and i noticed that the month of october is ending soon. which means, 2nd of november is just around the corner.

seven years ago, on that very day. a very young girl found out that, she will be able to see her dad no more. she found out that she won't be able to embrace him whenever he gets home from work. she found out that she won't be getting kisses from her dad anymore. she found out that her mother will have to bring her up by herself. she found out that, her dad's no longer with her.

seven years ago. she was only ten.

she have always said she's letting go slowly. but she is unsure if she can let go of her dad fully.

that's her biggest weakness. i know, she always says this. she always emphasize on how much she misses her dad and that she lost him too soon. way too soon. but i think not everyone can understand what she's feeling.

but God is really fair to her. she is blessed with probably the best and strongest mother in the world. she have never seen her mother give up. her mother was sick at one point of time. her mother had growth in the tummy and had to go for surgery but she still made herself strong even though it hurts her so much coz she knows we need her. she hides all her pain. for me. for us.

thats why i never want to hurt my mother. she went through alot for me and my sisters.

now i truly understand this.

who should you love first?
your mother.
who should you love next?
your mother.
who should you love next?
your mother.
who should you love next?
your father.

but i love you too, papa.

i really do.

10 random things.

2007-10-24T20:11:00.000+08:00

the more i see the world, the more i am convinced that i shall never see a man whom i can really love - Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility

-----------------------

1. The click five will be performing at MOS tomorrow. school ends at 6pm. such a bitch! :(
2. I had a bad dream last night. when i discovered that i was sleeping alone, i ran into the other room and cuddled up with my sister.
3. A big thank you to Farah for just now. Thanks for the food, the company and the good time spent. Don't forget to be home by 7.30pm each day k, our indon show! ;)
4. Mr Woodcock is the lamest shit.
5. I refuse to do any schoolwork tonight. What are two hour breaks for man?!
6. Stop telling me i look old. i know it already! :p
7. I think more and more people are telling me that i am a very friendly person, which i am actually! as what someone says, the way i look contradicts my traits. which is very true. don't be fooled by the way i look, yo!
8. i wore a noisy pair of heels just now. which made nad say, "kalau mulot kau tak bising, kasut kau yang bising!"
9. It pisses the shit out of me to know that most of the cute guys around are gays.
10. i'm so proud of myself for completing this list of 10 random things coz only god knows how sleepy and tired i am feeling right now!

goodnight, loves! a proper entry soon :)

totally sorry for this bullshit.

;)

its all about respecting one another.

2007-10-22T17:59:00.000+08:00

Yes, I do respect your view but at the same time, do note that I have my own views and opinions as well. We’re all not alike. What’s funny to one may not be as funny to the other. We’re all different, I hope all of us are aware of that.

As I have said countless times before, this is where I share my thoughts. Maybe not as much on my personal life but more on general things. I realize that I can get a little too carried away at times but I hope you also realize that I can’t afford to take everyone’s feelings into consideration.

I respect any of your comments. I welcome them with arms wide open. Sometimes they do hurt me or offend me but I decide not to take things too seriously. That’s how I live my life. I try not to care too much about what people think of me.

As you know, I work at Mindchamps. At Mindchamps, we don’t teach the usual maths and science. We teach them techniques, manners, etiquettes. I don’t only go there to work, but I also go there to learn. When the trainer is teaching the kids, I will sit and listen. On Saturday, I had to take over my sister’s class since she couldn’t turn up for work so it was my first time working with Judith and also her class. The topic for the week was feelings. Judith mentioned something to the kids and I drilled that into my head as well. She said, “ You don’t care what others think or say about you. As long as your heart says that whatever you’re doing is right, then you are doing the right thing. But that does not mean you cant make mistakes. The key is, do not repeat that mistake. Learn from it. Improve it.”

I’m not a self-centered person. neither am I a selfless being. i can be selfish at times but I care about what people feel, I respect their opinions no matter how offensive they may be.

so forgive me if i any party have been hurt or offended by me. i hope none but i'm just doing this in case there are those who's offended.

As mentioned in my last few entries, it can be exasperating just for you to get your point across. True enough, the world will be a much better place if all of us understand one another.

So, take this as a plea from me to you. Please understand me. This is my site. I want to share my thoughts and feelings. I want to be me. The crazy me. The candid me.

If you don’t like it here, you have every right to leave. Its your choice. I don’t point a knife and threaten to slice you up if you don’t read my blog.

Once more, leave if you don’t like me, my ramblings or whatsoever.

I respect your decision.

pictures galore!

2007-10-21T14:16:00.000+08:00

to all the lovely readers of mine, from the bottom of my heart, i apologise for leaving this site stagnant for a few days. however, its not because i don't wanna update this space but i just couldn't find the time to. i've been extremely busy with school. with work. with friends. with myself.

the first week of school was fine, i think. the thing that probably suck big time is that we have to bring our notebooks for every lesson now. do you know how heavy that is?! apart from notebooks, we have thick textbooks. can NYP not be so confused and decide if they wanna use books only or notebooks only?!

but school is fun in some ways :) right, sam?

anyways, i would like to thank those who came to my small open house on wednesday. i really appreciate it. to those who couldnt make it at the very last minute due to emergencies, olevels or work, its okay. you are forgiven.

i would like to apologise if i didnt really talk to some of you coz i was quite busy but from feedbacks, i heard you guys had a great time, eyy? once again, thanks for coming! :)

(please don't waste ur time enlarging photos. i look horrible in most of it. thankssssss!!!)

the food! my mum cooked everything by herself! the begedil and epok-epok done by mak. egg tarts and chicken pies by me :) oh no worries, i bought it from prima deli. so its edible! :p
urs trulyyyyyy.
i made her wear that! everyone thought she's malay!!!!
my two loves.

the guys look retarded!!!!!!
me and the very beautiful nadia cheong!

renny and nad! sam couldnt make it and hid had to work!
my friend since way back when! ladies and gentlemen, my Nadiah Bangau! :)

with ana and farah!
kak lyzza and kak haz!!! kak haz is still the sweeterest being alive! no joke!
i owe dyllah mee hong kong!
the closed ones.
i love em all!

thats the boy next block!
best guy friends :)
firzan!
coincidentally, they wore the same colour! i think they look good together. maybe i shall play cupid! but shahida, you have to be willing to share him with me coz.....
he's my PART TIME LOVER! FAIZ! :)

mat RIF! :)
ARSENAL FANS.
WE OUTNUMBER THEM!!!! GLORY GLORY MAN UTD!!!

the three besties!

NADHEERA MY LOVE!

anyways, i think i had loads of fun. i hope the rest did. thanks to the three boys who stayed on to help me clear up the mess outside. hah! and talking about the past can be so much fun! gossips gossips! :)

i love all of you!

this was on friday night. after school and after accompanying my sister for her soccer. maggi and cili padi still the best!

then kak sri came with her nephew!! he is so cute!!!

we are the lifo babes.

and thats our new member, SEAN! :)
(our manager, helmi werent ard)

it took me an hr to update this! i really have to go now as i'll be having visitors soon. take care and till i update again!

random!

2007-10-16T21:37:00.000+08:00

haha, gigi pon boleh jadi issue eh? honestly, i dont consider that a hate tag. the fella complimented me and then commented. thanks for your honest opinion, i really appreciate it. i'm just curious, is Mrs Signs a dental company? thanks for enlarging my pictures to see the dirts on my teeth and the pimple on my forehead. alamak, too much teh O and coke will definitely stain your teeth. next time i bawak tumbler, isi toothbrush inside. like primary school, k? and not to forget a bottle of listerine. hmmmm, vital lah like that. dirty teeth = bad breath?

someone told me to call up that place. i just brushed it off. you should have seen how nad, ren and i were laughing when we saw that. ooops, yes. i was web-surfing during lesson time. its hard to get rid of those old habits you know.

but its okay dear tagger. i'm glad you speak up. i'm really fine with it. and moments after i deleted off the tag, one of my friends smsed me and told me that he only got to visit my blog again recently coz singnet blocked it coz they suspected it to contain porn. HAH!!!! even funnier can! i was in stats theory lecture when Wan smsed me that and i quickly showed it to nad. she laughed real hard and thought of a porn name for me. sheeeeeesh. macam-macam la.

wahhhhh. new record. my blog is boring, i know.no juicy gossips and all. its usual web hits is just slightly above 200 readers. on good days, maybe around 240? but today, when i got back around 20minutes ago, it already reached 300. thank you for reading my junk and spotting my yellow teeth.

its true. the match just now was good. my first soccer game after so long. you know what made it more intresting? the drama. when the two fans almost got into a tussle. and how the people in front of me kept asking which team i was supporting coz i kept cheering when SAFFC had the ball -.-

HAH. the best of all, WHEN A VERY GORGEOUS CAR WAS WAITING OUTSIDE TO TAKE BOTH ME AND MY SISTER HOME! wooooohooooo! the thing is, whenever Mr B drives, i have to really hold on tight. that man dont drive. he pecut.pelan-pelan okay, Abang B. i always keep quiet when you drive coz i'm scared. i guess thats the only time when i am quiet. heh.

i went to causeway point mcdonalds with shahida and ordered 70 McChicken.

indian woman : 17?
me: NOPE. 70.
indian woman : *screams* MANAGER!!!!!!!

(indian woman speaks in a very thick indian accent so imagine that!!!)

hah, shahida and i were trying our best not to laugh. who orders 70 McChicken? I DO! :)

okay all, do take care for now. i need to have an early night. tomorrow will be another busy day but i am looking forward to it :)

for now, i wanna shower and go to bed.

and oh, brush my teeth too.

;)

guys should stop making me feel so uncomfortable at times.

satu hari di hari raya!

2007-10-15T18:45:00.000+08:00

i think as i grow older, i tend to be less and less excited for hari raya. even though, yes, i still do get green packets (masih skola oiiiiiiii!). but i think money aint the main thing that defines hari raya. oh well, but still, its the time that you forgive and forget.

when i was much younger, it was all about playing bunga api with all my cousins. my two loves hassan and sarah will come and stay till late into the night. those were the days. now, we are all busy with our own things. hassan with N levels, Sarah busy with the big O's. but we still call each other every now and then and talk for hours on the phone. especially me and sarah, since hassan is a guy and he's a little shy to share his personal life with us. but i do heart the both of em loads.

:)

so how was your hari raya? mine was the same like every other year. visiting houses, spending time with those you love. meeting up with those you haven't met for ages! thats what i love about raya. but i do get all emotional if i see people crying while they ask for forgiveness.

but this year's malam raya was different. i got back late in the noon, so i only got to fulfill my asar prayers at 6.30pm. suddenly, when i raised my two hands for doa, praying for my dad, as usual, i suddenly cried. i had no idea why. the only time i cried during malam raya was during the first raya we celebrated without my dad. my heart suddenly feels so heavy. and when i cried, it feels like i was letting go of everything.

but i wiped away those tears and promised myself that i will not cry throughout this month. and i'm glad, i enjoyed my hari raya even though its really tiring for me. now, i have guests outside but i'm as good as dead, i swear. with school this morning and all, i'm gonna crash once everyone leaves. tomorrow will be a looooooooong day for me *sigh*

half of my hari raya money will be used to buy my schoolbooks. i was only left with coins coz i used all my money to purchase notes just now. bankrupt man!!!

so now, let me leave you with some of the pictures taken.

i went BOLLYWOOD :p
THANK GOD OKAY THE PUNJABI SUIT TURNED OUT FINE!!
my hair for the first day. those white things aint dandruff yo! glitter! i paid two extra bucks okay!! APPRECIATE.
this org giler came. very fat lor he!

our suits.
baby maisarah.

my sarah.
my arfian.
my beautiful sarah again.

day two :)

this is my little boy mateen. he's only three and he's so effing smart! he hates taking pictures. so i told him, "mateen, can i come ur hse?"
mateen: can! come okay. i show u my toolbox.
me: can take picture?
mateen: CAN! but at my house okay!

he kept his promise!

me:mateen, mummy calls u what?
mateen: mummy calls me love
us:what is love?
mateen: love is I LOVE YOU.

hahaha. so adorable!

anywayssss, i'm having a small gathering on wednesday at my place. those twenty, please try to make it. im sorry if i dont call some of you coz its only a small get together. maybe next time when i have a grand open house yeah?

with that, have a great week ahead all you lovely people =)

;)

hari raya y'all!

2007-10-12T23:16:00.000+08:00

for the past few days, i've been so busy preparing for hari raya. if it werent for the fact that i promised all of you that i will update this humble space of mine before syawal, i would have waited till probably monday to update. since i have a little free time so squeeze in an entry right now, i'll take this oppurtunity to update - coz i expect my day to be exceptionally busy tomorrow and i'll be out by 6am tomorrow *sigh*

tomorrow also will be the day that i will collect my very last minute punjabi suit. frankly speaking, i'm pretty nervous about it. i've been imagining things lately. i'm afraid that it won't turn out well and will look more like a costume for halloween instead. the woman called me up and told me that its nice. like duh, she has to say its nice what, right?! oh my god. i hope it won't turn out horrible or i swear i will cry in the middle of selegie tomorrow! :(

and on monday, i will have lessons at 8am!excuse me, its the third day of hari raya, thank you very much and i have to wake up at 6am to drag my lazy ass to school. you know how pathetic that is?

oh well, school's here. no more staying up late. no more waking up at 2pm. no more spending time doing nothing. i promised to be a better student, didnt i? no skipping of lessons, taking every lecture and tutorial seriously, be early for class, no blogging/blog reading during lessons, no more msn-ing in class. lets see how long this can last okay?

but i'm determined to do better than the previous semester but at times, you cant stop yourself from being lazy.

anyways, i'll say hello to more of this once again...

*okay, i'm supposed to upload a picture collage of me and my dearest Lifo but blogger decides to be a total moron and bitch on me. *

so anyways, its officially the last day of ramadan. tomorrow, we will bid goodbye to this beautiful month and welcome another beautiful month.

so to all my readers, i would like to apologise if any of you were offended by my entries or if i do annoy you in a way or the other.

to my friends and family, you know how rough we are to one another, especially my closed friends. but you all ought to know that deep in my heart, i love you guys more than anything.

i'm human. i'm unperfect. i make mistakes.

so all,

i would like to take this oppurtunity to wish all of you a selamat hari raya aidilfitri. maaf zahir dan batin. please forgive me for all my wrong doings.

sedangkan nabi memaafkan umatnya!

heh. have a happy hari raya to all of you!

:)

the guys, jangan luper sembahyang hari raya okayyyyyyyyyyy!!!

green in envy and being busy.

2007-10-09T22:37:00.000+08:00

you know, theres something that these two european hotties have in common (besides being european of course!) the first one is a russian lady who won the miss universe title in 2002 but was dethroned later on. she's drop dead gorgeous and have the most gorgeous pair of eyes that anyone will die for.

next is him. probably one of the best italian players ever. you gotta say, he's a hottie as well. and have a look at those killer eyes . i swear i'll melt right before him if i ever get to look into it!
so, what does the russian beauty and the italian hotstuff have in common?

those green eyes.

yes, i envy them loads, i'm so envious of them both, my eyes are turning green as well.

sesungguhnya, aku memang mentel.

sorry, they're really bad shots. i feel like i look really fake but whatever, i'm gonna wear it while i can. the color aint that obvious actually. its the flash that made it brighter. my mum didnt even realise it until i told her to look into my eyes closely.

so, that aside. i think its time i welcome the busy week ahead with arms wide open. i have to pester my friends(nadheera's missing! i need her to come soon!) to come and collect their stuffs as soon as possible so that we can continue with the spring cleaning. eh, korang jangan manja eh nak mintak hantar. datang rumah aku. malam-malam pun takper. aku tunggu. i need to help clean the house, arrange the cookies, clear the mess in my room and get my eyebrows done before hari raya. worst still, i have to prepare for school which resumes next week. pfffffft! time should seriously slow down a little, i'm running out of breath trying to catch up with it.

i hope spring cleaning will make me feel the hari raya spirit coz i've yet to feel it! i understand why i don't feel it last year coz it was two weeks before olevels but this year? i have no major exams to worry about but why am i not feeling it?!

i guess i'll stop here before i annoy any of you even more.

before i go, happy 6th bday to my little kiki who broke his glasses just now. he's only six and he already needs to wear glasses. to make matters worst, his degrees are quite high. 500 for one eye and 400 for the other. very high for a six year old boy.

happy bday kiki!

till i blog again, and i promise it will be before syawal ;)

take care, lovelies.

thats what friends are for.

2007-10-08T23:31:00.000+08:00

its okay, bestfriend.

we'll forget our ehems! in no time, i promise.

it won't be so hard if we have one another.

i still love you even though we're a dysfunctional couple.

for now, lets imagine their bewildered faces and put them as our mascot shall we?

just to make ourselves feel better.

*hugs*

friendship is like the relationship between the hand and the eyes. when the hand gets hurt, the eye cries and when the eye cries, the hand wipes its tears.

on a different note, MY NEW TIMETABLE SUCKS LIKE MAD!!!!!!!!

coz they mean the world to me.

2007-10-04T14:57:00.000+08:00

The best of friends,
Can change a frown,
Into a smile,
when you feel down.

The best of friends,
Will understand,
Your little trials,
And lend a hand.

The best of friends,
Will always share,
Your secret dreams,
Because they care.

The best of friends,
Worth more than gold,
Give all the love,
A heart can hold.

-Jill Wolf

so simple yet it means so much.

:)

you all know who you are. just so you know, you guys mean alot to me and i can never be more thankful to have you guys by my side.

i promise to be there for all of you just like how all of you have always been there for me.

everyone, cheer up :)

2007-10-03T16:38:00.000+08:00

this morning, or afternoon to be more accurate, i woke up to the sound of the stereo blasting outside. since it was pretty loud and i notice that its already a quarter past 1pm, i decided to wake up.

i sat on the couch and listened to the radio. and without realising it, i teared.

the radio show that was on at that point of time was about celebrating the upcoming aidilfitri without a loved one. they are either in prison, overseas or have left this world forever. there's this guy who called in. he's a very quiet guy and don't mix around much while his wife, on the other hand, is very friendly and lively. they've known each other for quite a long time and got married four years back. five months ago, she died. i don't know if they have any kids or not but he said, at times, when he is alone, he will just cry coz he will get reminded of his wife and they've just been married for four years.

the other one texted in saying that he/she will not be celebrating hari raya this year coz his(assume its a he)dad just passed away and his mother is currently being treated in hospital for stroke and depression coz she wasn't there during his last moments.

after i heard that one, i went into the room, put on my headphones and blast the music as loud as i could so i won't hear anymore of those stories. stories like that will just make me think of my father. my family went through the same thing as well. my dad passed away two weeks before ramadan so that year, we hardly celebrated it. it was difficult at first but as the years go by, we learn to let go. holding on to it will not do any good for us. as they say, the one who have left, will never come back but we are still alive. we have to go on living. God gives us this one life to live,learn, love and lost. we only have this one oppurtunity. if we don't live our life to the fullest, we've just wasted the best gift that we can ever receive.

this is my seventh aidilfitri without my dad.hang on, its eighth. it feels different but i'm letting go, slowly.

to those who have just lost a loved one, be strong. let go of everything. its not easy and it never will be. it takes a very long time to heal all the pain but insyaallah, if you are strong, you'll get through it. pray for your loved ones and God will always protect them.

Amin.

-----------------------------------

so yeah, i just felt like posting that one up after i heard those heartfelt stories. no, i don't want to make this a really solemn entry. lets perk things up, shall we?

:)

you know, i hate shopping for bras at La Senza. if i get bras from the usual departmental stores, i will get a B cup. however, if its La Senza bras, i will drop to an A cup. well, many will say that my boobs are just the average size but as compared to my family, mine is pretty much non-existent. like how we were making fun of it the other day. they were saying, their bras can be used as helmet. mine?

lab goggle -.-

but i feel good when i'm with Nadia The Great (*pukes*) coz her boobs are so small, we don't even call them boobs. we lifo girls call it Nad's mosquito bites. wahahahahha!

why the hell am i talking about boobs here?! okay. stop. btw, i assume most of my readers are girls.

my nephew kiki who will turn 6 next week is a very good photographer. he was the one who snapped most of my pics yesterday!

she'll kill me if she knows i post this pic!

"Ki, kak ayu not ready. why you take!?!!"

my monster

oh Ronaldooooooooo :( my heart bleeds twice as much to see you bleed like that.

anyways, i gotta say that even though i hate mimpi manis season 1, i cant deny that im hooked to its second season. the main reason for it?

Tora(real name Habibi), the male lead for the show. he is sooooooooooooooo effing cute lah can?!!!!!!!! and he's only 23!!!!!! unlike Gunawan, who is 34! boohoo.

tell Habibi .....

stop! engkau mencuri hatiku....

:p

it might be your lucky day.

2007-10-02T09:22:00.000+08:00

[EDIT] pardon me, i've been making alot of mistakes lately till whatever i type don't seem to make sense. i've edited everything.

i wonder what's wrong with me today. lack of sleep, perhaps?

i slept at 3am and woke up at 8am. first time since way back when.

:)

i'm sure i will be unreachable till 2pm tomorrow :p

[/EDIT]

true enough, he is a wacko to possibly all of you. but to me, he is the true king of pop.

i grew up watching him. i remember how my dad will get me videos of his concerts. watching him work the stage. but i cant disagree that the way he look is seriously quite disturbing. watching how his face changes is like watching an episode of pokemon. you know when one pokemon evolve and change to another pokemon? yeah, that. but still, talent-wise, no one. i repeat NO ONE, not even JT or Chris Brown can beat Wacko Jacko.

i recalled how i liked this song. i heard mario vazquez singing it for his american idol auditions. i fell truly, madly and deeply in love with him. i ~~went through a period of depression~~ was badly affected when i got to know he quit AI. but he's a big star now so nothing matters anymore.

yes, i've come clean about my love for Michael Jackson :)

btw, while i was at Aunty Ida's shop yesterday, her assistant was helping me find a kebaya for myself. she told me, i have a small body and that i'm tall. goodness gracious! i was like, are you effing serious?! it was indeed very flattering! so she got me the smallest size. the top fits perfectly but for the bottom, i cant zip it when it was at my ass! the makcik was forcing herself to zip it. i screamed of course! in case anything happens. i told her to get me a bigger size since i have a huge ass.

you know what she replied?

"badan adik kecik molek. tak perasan pulak punggungnyer besar! baju ni kan dik, orang tinggi macam adik pakai cantik!"

waduh. bisa pengsan lorrrrrrrrrrrrrr. hahaha. me? kecik molek? wahahahahahah! cannot believe it man. okay, yes. i've lost about what, 3kg? ;)weird coz i've been eating like there's no tomorrow. but i doubt i've grown vertically. i can't believe it. someone thinks i'm tall! you know how short i feel whenever i am with my friends? you know how inferior that made me feel? i love it when i'm with my sisters coz i'm taller than them and it makes me feel tall - even if its just for a moment.

anyhow, we came up with a crazy plan yesterday. we intend to fool people. pretend to want to get to know them and all and when they ask for a picture, i'm gonna send them this.

if you are pregnant, PLEASE SKIP THIS BIT!

wahahahahhahahahhaahhhahahah. i can imagine the guy throwing his phone out of the window!

sorry. i'm a tad late. i just know how to use the face warp in my phone :P this is considered okay! theres one picture, i truly resemble a monkey! tt's too ugly. im afraid i'll scare people.

buy 4D! i'm up earlyyyyyyyy.i woke up at 8am okay! supposed to help check out the new curtains at home but they're doing all the work while i'm still trying to stay awake. i slept at 3am last night, thank you. coz i had a great time catching up with old friends. in one conversation with arif, zan and faiz. like old times. once more, i was the only girl. and fahmiiiiiiiieeeee. biler mase i promise you i will belanja you huh?! tak tahu malu.

catching up with the old pals feels good, seriously!

alright, off i go now.i need to bath(smell something funny? heh!)coz my oldest sister is pestering me to follow her look for her hari raya stuff. she better treat me good man today!

i sacrifice my sleep you know!

have a great tuesday, loves!

;)

the reason why i abhor it.

2007-10-01T15:22:00.001+08:00

if guys are the stronger ones out of the two genders,
let them menstruate instead.

my stomach hurts like crazy!

*cries*

mundane is the word.

2007-10-01T09:56:00.000+08:00

as tagged by the boy next block (literally!), Amer Solehin.

RULES
Each player of this game starts by giving 10 things about themselves.People who get tagged need to write in their blog as well as state the rules clearly.In the end,you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.After you do that,leave them each a comment letting them know that you have tagged them and to read your blog!

1. trisya is not my real name. its my perasaan juboh name. nur mastura ayu is my real name.
2. i tear up easily especially when i see things that are hearbreaking, moving or just when dust gets into my eyes.
3. i think guys in baju kurung looks cute. (during eid of course!)
4. i love anything spicy. add cili padi to my food please! :)
5. i'm a sucker for blonde jokes and yo mamma jokes. you can see me laughing like a moron whenever i read/hear them.
6. i wish i'm taller and thinner.
7. my hair grow reallllllllllly fast and i'm not exaggerating.
8.i love coffee(especially the aroma of coffee beans!) and tea but no black coffee please!
9.i'm interested in tourism and hotel management. thus, explaining my current course of study.
10. i like it when people smile at me. it seems like the world is a beautiful place! :)

10person i tag.

1. i
2. think
3. i
4. shall
5. spare
6. everyone
7. from
8. doing
9. this
10. thing

=)

so how have everyone been? good i hope! pardon me for not updating often now.well, you've gotta admit that the blog is getting mundane but i promise that title won't be here for long :)

anyways, my dream of fasting for an entire month was ruined at 2am this morning when my period came uninvited. argh, annoying can?! i was happily teasing those who have already missed few days of fasting due to this and now, i'm having it. oh well, they say what goes around comes around.

anyhooz, work was tiring the other day. you see, i'm kinda new there so i'm not really used to doing all the things alone. so when i got to know that Liana went back coz she is sick and that Mandy had to help out in another class coz Shahida did not come to work, i almost wanted to run home! that means i will be the only aide around. i got really kiasu, i prepared for the next class even before the first one ended! you can't blame me too, you know. i'm so used to having both Liana and Mandy with me so when suddenly, out of the blue, you throw me in there ALONE, of course lah i will be like one headless chicken!

ni lah orang tak biase kerje kan... lol!

anyways, this is my classroom.

Kids from the first class - SG7108

Kids from the second class - SG7109

crowded + stuffy + sweaty people + leaving at 1am = Geylang on Friday night

finally going out with my mother today to get my stuff. so yeah, its mummy and me day today! :)

take care, lovelies. have a good monday and happy children's day!

my sister told me to post this on my blog a couple of days back and i hope its not too late.

they have the right to be happy like all of us this festive season. why not we play our part?

email Nadia Cheong at possessivestar@hotmail.com for more details

:)

alive yo!

2007-09-26T21:28:00.000+08:00

truth be told, i have nothing to blog about.

i'm glad that life is treating me good right now. things seems to fall perfectly into place and everything feels so good when paranoia don't step in the way. i think paranoia should stay away from me. that way, my life will be a whole lot better :)

anyways, i've yet to get any Hari Raya clothes. for that, i need to wait for my walking credit card (read : my mother!). i intend to only get two pairs this year coz i think i should wear my white kebaya again since it's been worn only once and that was for abg bobby's wedding late last year. actually, another pair will be enough since someone told me he will get a pair for me and asks if i wear a size M or L or XL! GRRRRRRRRRRR! u watch out ahr you. i'm gonna kill you when i see you.

even though geylang is close to boring, you just have to go there to feel the hari raya spirit. and the food of course! honestly, even though its the fasting month, i've been eating more than i usually have. it feels awfully good, really. i've got my mcdonald's breakfast, i've got my ayam penyet, i've got my burger ramly and keropok lekor. my kueh jongkong is patiently waiting to be eaten in the fridge. what's next on the list? now i'm craving for kickass Mee Hoon Kuah from PRIME! i think i should go and pay my boyfriend down there a visit =)

oh well, this entry sure is meaningless but its just for the sake of proving that i'm alive. OH YES! i found out yesterday that i'm not useless afterall. i'm pretty good at frying instant pratas okay! you should see the way i flip it. just like a pro!

now i know what i should do if i can't find a job in the future

;)

have a good week lovelies!

note to self : stop sleeping and eating too much or i'll turn into a pig in no time!

kids

2007-09-23T21:09:00.000+08:00

[EDIT] I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. EVERYTHING I TYPE DON'T SEEM TO MAKE SENSE. BUT HECK, MAN UTD WON. FINALLY A GAME WHERE THEY WON BY MORE THAN A GOAL.

SERIOUSLY, I DO MISS MOURINHO. YOU KNOW THEY SAY YOU WON'T APPRECIATE THINGS TILL ITS GONE? YEAH, THIS IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE.

OH GOSH, THANK GOD I RE-READ MY ENTRY. HORRIBLE TO THE CORE!!! [/EDIT]

mama: aku rase, puase kau mesti tak sah.
me: how come?!
mama: kau bangun tido pukul dua. semua orang pun boleh puase mcm gitu!

:)

told ya i'm the epitome of an anak dara pemalas. i'm making full use of my holidays, i must say. in less than a month, its back to slogging, projects, presentations, fierce stall vendors, potato wedges(renny, nad, hid!!!!!!) and the worst thing ever, waking up early for morning classes.

but its okay. i do miss school actually. but i am very grateful that my holidays will last up till the third day of Aidilfitri, unlike those poor souls from SP and RP who will be starting school tomorrow and have already started school respectively. have fun you guys! for the meantime, allow me to continue waking up at 2pm okay? :p

anyways, something really upsets me. the sight of youth my age getting drunk during the fasting month during the day and getting tattoos done. gosh, what's the world coming to huh? can't they at least wait for the fasting month to be over? can't they at least respect this holy month? fine, they don't fast and thats already a big issue. tattoos? getting drunk? thats way too much already. i know i should just mind my own business and leave them alone, and thats exactly what i am doing right now. they're young, yes. but i am sure they know whats right and whats wrong, right?

the other thing is about that poor little Nurin girl. seriously man, the world is no longer a safe place. such an inhumane thing to do, why do these type of people even exist? if only i am able of killing that *insert profanity here*, i would and i will make sure that *insert profanity here* die of a slow and painful one. i know that our human race aint so bad and will not do such a horrible thing so thats why i couldn't agree more with Lina when she said that those who did this aint human afterall.

an innocent kid have just lost her life like that. even though she have now gotten a spot in heaven and is free from commiting the horrible sins on earth, i do hope from the bottom from my ~~broken~~ heart that the person who did this to her rot in hell. period.

i love kids. thats why i get so affected about this. i hope there will be an end to these horrible things. bimbotic but i dont freaking care - i want world peace. so beauty pagent like. heh.

but you know what made me smile?

the fact that this little baby have grown so much :)

this was him in June last year. still looking like smurf, hehe. but i love him to bits and pieces. i remember those days when he refuse to sleep and we will take turn to take care of him at night. i recalled when mak left for work and we were responsible for him. my sister woke me up at 5am in the morning telling me he won't sleep but he didnt cry either. each time we ask him to sleep, he will just smile at you. and that smile continue to make my day.

he's a smart boy now! i was walking home with Muni the other day and i saw him, mak and abah at the carpark. he let go of abah's hand, came up to me and held out his hand which signify that he wants to salam me. then when i say, sayang kakak, he will give me his head and let me kiss him. smart eh?!

some people thinks that he's my sister Nadya's son. naya, when did you ever give birth eh? rabak seh you tak bilang i! thats bullcrap. have you ever seen my sister with a bulging tummy? (apart from being buncit! :p) its funny on how some people can jump into the funniest conclusion. please okay, my sister have never been married. her big day will come, one sweet day :)

alright now, i gotta rush. gonna wake bestie up since the soccer match*wth was i thinking, i typed soccer the match! so the ah lian hor!* is starting.

oh, i think i'll miss Mourinho. No Kidding.

love.

2007-09-20T16:59:00.000+08:00

you don't know what it's like, to love somebody the way i love you

how beautiful. how meaningful.

understand me.

2007-09-19T21:09:00.000+08:00

the world will be a much better place if all of us understand one another. but the harsh reality is that, not everyone can understand you.

it gets really frustrating when you're trying to get someone to understand what you feel but somehow the other party just cant(some just don't want to, apparently). How exasperating it can be just for you to get your point across. Even after trying variety of ways just to get one person to understand what is going through your mind, whats bothering you and that you don't like the way you are being treated.

please, for this one time, i hope you can understand me. Understand the hell that i always go through just to let you know that i'm tired of just doing things your way. Are my opinions and the way i feel too insignificant to you? Heck, am i even important to you?

I love you, i really do but i just hope that you'll listen to me for this one time. Give me a chance to express everything, just this once.

i need someone or something to pick me up coz i'm really down.

Qudsia have done her part by sending me that beautiful CD of me, her, ray and the boys. it made me laugh real hard, my insides hurts till now. Quddie, i love you! Thanks for that lovely compilation. I really love it and i'm sure Ray will love it too =)

oh, and i love you too, Burger Ramly. how i went through the thick smoke in Geylang last night just to get you. it was all worth it.

and you know what's annoying? at every VCD booth that you come across in Geylang will definitely have anything thats related to Mimpi Manis. i'm tired of watching that Lilis cry!

ahhhhhhhhh, theres soccer tomorrow morning. at least theres something to motivate me to wake up for sahur. Man Utd fans, please don't expect much from the team. a one goal win will be enough. we should understand them. its the fasting month, setan kena ikat.

goodnight, loves.

ps: which part of I hate making the first move do you not understand?

pps: no no, i'm not in a relationship! thank you!

sick of being sick.

2007-09-18T16:50:00.000+08:00

i don't know how to show myself to the public. oh well, but i gotta do it. ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you Foxy Cleopatra's retarded little sister.

*cries*

its my fault actually. i kept asking the hairdresser to cut the fringe shorter coz it was covering my eyes. then i got that. by the way, please pardon my face. i've been sick for the past few days and i could hardly get any sleep. i will only sleep after sahur and the inhaler aint helping much either.

oh about the hair. haha, its not that bad actually but its not the way i want it to be also. but i'm fine with it. i think i look younger, so thats an accomplishment. shall not fret about it too much coz it will eventually grow back anyway.

for now, i just wanna recover quick. my chest hurts alot each time i am trying to breathe and it gets pretty tiring too. at times, i give up. i'll mengucap and tell myself, " kalau nak mati, mati la" but alhamdulilah, i'm still here, alive and kicking ;)

enough bullcrap for now. i have some advertising to do.

this website sells different types of Hari Raya goodies at very reasonable prices! Thats not all, free delivery(yours truly will deliver to you if you want!) will be provided to those who purchase more than $50 worth of goodies!

For further details, please click HERE

jangan malu-malu, siapa malu rugi!

thank you, lovelies and selamat berbuka!

:)

and and and,

Happy Belated Bday to Muni aka Virgomate!
Happy Bday to Loo Ghim Siang aka LOO LOO!
&
Happy Advanced Bday to the biggest pain in my life, Boey Kah Ray aka crazyfrog!

i love all of you even though you guys can be such a pain in the neck! its time the both of you(ray and ghimsy) act like seventeen year old boys instead of a seven year old kid.

=D

a hairy affair

2007-09-17T18:37:00.001+08:00

i just got my hair done,
and now i look like a japanese girl....

.....or Cleopatra gone wrong.

all in one

2007-09-15T21:20:00.000+08:00

i could hardly recall when was the last time i did this - taking mentel shots of myself and posting it onto my blog. hah, i used to do that alot you know but i decided to cut down a little coz i see no reason why i should do so.

but since i have not done it in quite a long time, i decide to post some. skip if you refuse to see, enjoy if you love it!(very few, i supposed?)

walaw! people are gonna think that i'm a narcissist! note: i am NOT one. yes, i'm vain but i am not a narcissist! NO!

that's Kiki, every morning during sahur, he will be the person waking everyone else up. i think this boy swallowed a speaker once and thats why he's so loud. his talk equals to my scream and do take note that i am loud enough for some people. he have the hardest time waking me up though coz i'm the biggest lazybum around.

so, well. thanks for all those encouraging messages. it touches me, really. no worries, i'm fine. i do believe that theres a silver lining on every dark cloud. for this case, it's telling me to work even harder before its too late and show that i am capable of doing better. so i'm going to make an oath. i promise to - (1) do my tutorials religiously (2) not do things at the very last minute (3) pay attention during lectures instead of reading the entire lecture myself when i get home (4) start exam revisions early.

i'm gonna be a changed person when school reopens for semester two ( i say this always!). so more trips to Bishan Library and study at level 4 and not at Cafe Galilee coz i can't absorb a single shit when i study there and tend to be more interested in observing people than studying.

so, today was my first day of work at Mindchamps. i went still despite being sick. i enjoyed it!oh yes, my sister is in there too but we take different classes. the people there are so warm, welcoming and friendly. i took two new classes today and the people i worked with today are the best ones ever. The kids are so adorable, even though some of them are a little naughty and just refuse to pay attention after countless warnings. it feels weird when they go to you and call you, 'teacher, teacher!' coz they are not supposed to call us teachers. at work, they introduced me as Trainer Mastura. how cool does that sounds?! i know, i know. picturing me as a trainer is a catastrophe to say the least but don't remove/refuse to enrol your kid, niece, nephew or whatnot just because they hire people like me. haha, i'm just an assistant. they have qualified trainers who does all the teaching.

now, i need my puff. eh, not ciggies okay! i dont smoke. its my inhaler!

before i leave, a shoutout to my second mother, Mak.

happy advanced 44th bday, mak! thanks for all your love and guidance all this while. i love you like my own mother and i love your kids like my own siblings. may Allah bless you always and may your life always be filled with happiness!

:)

and all, today is my grandmother's tenth death anniversary. please take a moment and send an al-fateha to my grandmother, Hajjah Wan Tom Bte Ahwad. semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya. amin.

with that, good night loves :)

i dont know how to react

2007-09-14T00:26:00.000+08:00

12.29am

when i first saw my result, i swear my heart sank.
my hard work and all.

but then i remembered what i blogged about just now - i will be satisfied with a pass for all, right?
okay, maybe i should be contented with my score.

i know i wont do too well. thats why when Mr B said he saw 3 A's written across my forehead, i told him he saw a Triple A battery.

but oh well, i should use this to motivate myself to work harder next semester. okay, here goes my not so fantastic results (but ITS OKAY!).

Accounting - A
Statistical Methods For Business - B + (UNEXPECTED!)
Principle Of Management - B
Microeconomics - B
Effective Oral Communications - B
Internet and Web Technologies - C

GPA: 3.083

so, lets look on the bright side! no supplementary papers! GPA above 3!

(shows that im not that bad with numbers!)

and chatting with the Lifo Babes rocks. once again, Sam is fast asleep, i think. so its only the four of us. And all of us passed everything :)

okay, so i'm a tad upset with the scores. but i'm fine.

but talking to my Lifo babes is the best thing today! sharing of stories, cursing each other, scolding and maki-ing each other. ahhh, i miss them loads.

nad, TUNANG kau amacam?

;)

with that, HELLO SEMESTER TWO!

=)

two R's - Results and Ramadan

2007-09-13T13:59:00.002+08:00

hands-trembling, palms sweating.
i guess my joy will be short-lived. results comes out tomorrow! whether or not i will have the mood to celebrate Eid will also be decided tomorrow.

God Forbid, but if i have to sit for any supplementary papers or repeat any modules, there goes my mood for hari raya. but if my results are fine, which i am really hoping for, then hell yeah baby, Hari Raya will be tomorrow for me!

:)

but i'm not asking for much, really. its only the first semester and i think i should cut myself some slack.
and yes, i think i really need all the good lucks in the world.

on a different note, its the first day of ramadan! how fun! (i hope tomorrow won't ruin the fun though!) Burger Ramly, keropok lekor, kueh jongkong from bussorah street, preparations for hari raya!!

&i feel like having Mcdonald's breakfast for sahur soon.

selamat berpuase!

=)

SURPRISE!

2007-09-12T19:53:00.000+08:00

rachel de silva, dinah farahdinah and shahida abdullah, no words can describe how much i love the three of you.

shahida told me she wanted to drop by my place to give back my book. but she came with a birthday cake! and babe, you should have stayed on longer!

Rachel and Dinah planned with my sister to give me a surprise bday celebration! no wonder my sister told me to stay home!(rach and dee didnt even wish me before we met just now!) i peeped through the hole and found them trying desperately to light the candles on those cupcakes! when i opened the door, they sang a bday song.

and we sang it for a total of five times! four for me and one for abah (who's bday is tomorrow!) then food started coming in - donuts, nuggets, fries, cakes!

it was all unexpected. that explained why i was in such a horrible state!

i love my family. and my friends. and those who made me feel special today! thankkkkkk you so much, guys!

highlighting a few

my mjc babes! sharmee babe, sorry dear, when you called me at 9am just now, i was still sleeping. that explains why i sounded erm funny. Fana! i miss you like crazy too! thanks for the shoutout/tag/sms! we gotta meet soon, i swear! sarah bagharib! thank god i wasnt asleep yet when you smsed me at two am this morning! i love you! sarrrrryyy, my twin! i hope you enjoyed today as much as i did, my love!

asiq, dont feel fucked up alright. it was nice enough that you remembered my bday. nevermind that you wished at 2am instead of12. at least you remembered.

renny baby! no, you're not the first. you're the third, dear! i miss you loadsssss. good luck for friday aye?

my darling kutu aka sheng kang, thanks for making me blush the whole time we were talking yesterday! you got the title 'first person to wish mastura for 2007'. you were not too late and not too early. get well soon and rest well! :)

last person i need to really thank is FAIZ! omg, you dont know how touched i was when i saw ur message. i thought one of my bestest friend have decided to keep a distant from me - i thought i've lost you. but to know that you still care is one of the best presents ever :) thanks alot!

i cant afford to personally thank everyone but really, even though its just a simple occassion this year, i have to say its the best birthday so far! thanks for the phonecalls, friendster comments, tags, msn, smses and whichever way you wish me by, i really appreciate it loads.
i can never find the perfect word to describe what i am feeling, extremely ecstatic and sick at the same time.

booooo. i guess, i'm gonna be sick real soon. bad timing i must say since tomorrow will be the first day of Ramadan and i'm gonna start work on saturday(oh yes, i got the job at MC!).

speaking of ramadan, heres wishing all my muslim brothers and sisters a happy ramadan!may all of us be blessed throughout this holy month!

once again, thank you so much everyone. i can't thank all of you more.

mwaaahhh!

--------------------------

heres an adavanced bday wish to Abah and Nat!

happy 47th bday abah! thanks for being a father to me. you complete my world, abah. thanks for everything that both you and mak have given me. happy bday and i hope that your life will always be filled with happiness!

amin!

and happy 18th Nat! yes, we're of the same age for only a day! but still, happy bday nat hot hot hot! may all your wish come true and may your life always be filled with wonderful people (like me!) :p

sept 12th

2007-09-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

happy 17th bday to my two gorgeous babes, Sary and Eleanor.
&happy 17th bday to me =)
(the three of us were in the same class during our first three months in MJC!)

i know i look too old to be 17.

my cousin look too old to be 18.

thats why he's my favourite ;)

thanks to Mr B and my gorgeous sister for the treat :)

this year's gifts? the best ones ever :) thanks, all!
the three favouritest one so far (since i haven't claim all yet! :p ) - a new phone from mama and mak, Sony Ericsson K810i!
and Gucci shades(bukan cetak rompak okay!) from Mak Ca! totally unexpected coz yes, i love shades! but i was more than happy with my 3 ten dollar shades from far east plaza. but thank you mak ca, i love youuuuu!
the third one, i got it in February. when i got to know that i was among the top 15 students in school for olevels! okay, more like, i was number 15. but that was something really meaningful to me coz i know i made my loved ones proud and thats the best thing i can ever give them!

thanks to those who made the effort to wish me. i truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

to my little nephews and little cousin! i love em too much. they are the light in my life! Kiki made me a heart shaped card and a paper flower(awwww!) and the card says, i love you my kakak ayu! i almost teared okay! ghazzi made me a card too and pongkers as well :) these little things are the ones that makes life worth living. i almost teared when i received it from them. how can i NOT love kids?! thank you so much, little ones!

i shall be happy for now and just hope for the best on friday! (results, thank you!)
scoring well will probrably be the best gift ever!

speaking of results, good luck to Mr B and Yan who will getting their results in about two hours time. i have complete faith in the both of you. im sure both of you will do pretty fine, since its my birthday! :p

once again, thank you everyone and i love all of you to bits :)
(i don't care if you don't love me, i wanna love everyone today!)

life and death.

2007-09-09T22:46:00.000+08:00

Takkan pernah habis air mataku
Bila ku ingat tentang dirimu
Mungkin hanya kau yang tahu
Mengapa sampai saat ini ku masih sendiri

Adakah disana kau rindu padaku
Meski kita kini ada di dunia berbeda
Bila masih mungkin waktu berputar
Kan kutunggu dirimu ...

Reff:
Biarlah ku simpan sampai nanti aku kan ada di sana
Tenanglah diriku dalam kedamaian
Ingatlah cintaku kau tak terlihat lagi
Namun cintamu abadi ...

it just made me love indonesian music even more - it doesn't matter if the vocalist looks like a typical Wak Kang. the song still rocks.

and when i was at the cemetery just now, this song kept ringing in my head. somehow, it reminds me of my dad. "namun cintamu abadi", that phrase. god, i can't believe that i've lived without him for 7 years already. i can't believe i haven't seen, heard, hugged, kissed him for 7 years.

i know that everyone knows that i miss my daddy. i mean, who won't miss their dads right? but sometimes, my heart feels so heavy when i think of him. i wonder how he is like there and stuff and when Ramadan is here, i will tell people that my daddy's with me.

and soon, he will :) coz you know, the spirits are allowed out for a month.

this ramadan, i'm gonna try my best to go for terawehs. i do not want to miss any subuh prayers and i hope i can fast for an entire month. insyaallah.

so there, my niat for this ramadan. it really upsets me at times when i see pakcik-pakciks in geylang sitting at a coffeeshop, drinking beer in broad daylight and seem to be proud of the fact that they are not fasting. even though i am a girl and at times i am not able to fast, i will feel embarassed to eat or drink in public unless of course its a matter between life and death.

i don't know what to say. Fasting is one of the basic things that Allah wants us to do and we can't fulfill it.

i don't really care about those who don't fast and such. i won't even persuade them to fast coz they should fast sincerely. i learn not to care also coz when we die, we'll be alone. its us who tanggung the seksa kubur. nobody will help you.

no, i am not an ustazah in the making. its just that my i've been brought up in an environment that emphasizes on the importance of knowing/learning more about my religion and also because i remind myself about death constantly coz i know that every second that we live, we get a second closer to our own death. i have always feared death and i still do but all of us will die eventually. its just a matter of time.

each time i visit the cemetery, i'll feel empty. i'm gonna end up there one day, lying motionless seven feet under. and that thought never fail to make my heart beats faster.

so this ramadan, lets cut down on watching Lilis singing and dancing on Mimpi Manis(do you see how she dances?! ) and watch more of Ana praying on Hikmah( she's too patient, i feel like strangling her)

have a lovely week ahead everyone :)

pssssst, i've got my second advanced birthday prezzie! will update more soon ;)

say hello to a new beginning

2007-09-08T03:55:00.000+08:00

i guess i am partially to be blamed. when i made the decision of privitising my blog, it was very very rushed indeed. i thought of it within an hour and decided to announce it the day after. i did not think of my readers and the hassle they have to go through.

in a way or the other, all of us are silent readers eh? someone told me, why must i care if i offend others or not? when the fact is, others don't even care about what we feel. so why must i care? i, too, want to experience freedom of speech.i want to be heard. i want to express my opinions. my silent readers outnumber the number of readers i know. well, recently, a few of them have spoken up and so now they are not that silent anymore.

&when i privitised my blog, someone assumed that i was talking about her. i don't know why she hates me so much when we don't even know each other personally. ask all the others who had access the other time round what were the entries about and all of them will give you the same answer - me, myself and i. why must i bitch about someone i don't even know? for your information, Miss-who-hate-me-for-no-apparent-reason, unlike you, i dont judge people. i'd rather talk about general things or boast about myself.

so, my decision?

i've found a private space which i will not reveal where. don't bother looking for it either coz i made up an identity and used that fake identity to get a domain. been doing that for quite awhile now and it feels good. that's where it all flows out and i don't restrict myself at all. before i die, i'm gonna make a will and leave that URL there(since i have no money, i'll leave my blog URL!). so when i die, people can compile my life stories and make it into a book. you know, like the Diary Of Anne Frank? :p

so here's a toast to a new beginning. hopefully Little Miss Fickle (read: me) will ensure people that she's not out here to talk about them. also, i'm trying to get rid of the title Little Miss Fickle. slowly but surely.

:)

so once again, hello loves ;)

its just another day

2007-09-04T12:46:00.000+08:00

so my birthday is in a week's time.

frankly speaking, to me, my birthday is just another day. yes, i take advantage of my birthday to get people to buy me gifts but it don't matter to me if i don't receive a single present. a sincere wish from those who matters most to signify that they remember my supposed big day is more than enough for me.

i will not sleep early on the night before my birthday. i will be thanking those who will send me birthday messages once the clock shows its twelve am. every year, i will be doing it in the dark, on my bed, in the room. and i will cry. somehow, it touches me to know that some people took the effort to send a birthday message to me even if we're not even close to begin with. and at times, i cry coz those who means alot to you simply forgets that its ur birthday.

when i was much younger, birthdays was one hell of a big deal. unwrapping gifts, blowing candles and cutting the cake. but as the years go by, i don't see the significance of celebrating my birthday. it supposedly show that you're getting older but don't we grow older each day? it supposedly show that we are wiser but at times, a 7 year old kid can be wiser than a 30 year old man.

so isn't birthday just another day?

and i no longer believe in birthday wishes now coz i wish for the same thing every year ever since i was eleven but every year it never come true. but then again, maybe i am asking for too much.

i think the most important thing thats happening next week is the beginning of Ramadan. time to cleanse your soul off everything bad. you know they say, bulan puase setan kena ikat right? since there are no setans around, who is there to hasut the humans to not fast and not pray?

do you get what i am trying to say?

we, humans, are the setans.

omg, i totally forgot, results will be out next week!!!!!!!!! :(

i wonder how i'll do without them.

2007-09-03T19:41:00.000+08:00

my blog is officially privitised. its more lecehfying than i expected as i miss out certain people or send it to the wrong addresses. but i feel more comfortable right now coz i know those who reads my entries and stuff. those who reads are either my friends/families or those who have been reading my blog religiously so you guys pretty much know the type of person i am.

so now, teacher's day update :)

it was one hell of a reunion, i tell you. you'll stop and hug almost everyone. what touches me most was when after everything ended, Mr Sebastian Lee aka our form teacher and forever will be my favourite teacher, sent an sms and told us to spread it to the rest of 4C'2006 saying that we are the best class ever. i was with my girls when we received that message and all of us almost teared at how sweet that was.

i love everything about that place. true enough, i went through shit there but thats the place where i truly learn alot of lessons. thats the place i grow up and thats the place i found my true friends.

but if you ask me to choose, i'd say my sec four years was the best of the best. i recalled that the class went through a pretty bumpy road somewhere in the beginning of the year. cracks began to form between us all and we weren't as united as we were in secondary three. but overtime, we got closer once more and we were more united than ever. i personally think we're the best class ever and i know i am not the only one who feels this way. people from other classes also do envy us at times, eh? ;)

secondary four was also the year i found that younger guy.i kept it to myself and only opened up about having a major crush on him after i graduated. hehe, i'd say that its pretty weird and i hope he notices me(our eyes met a couple of times the other day!) told ya the blog will be more personal now. as usual, mastura hardly falls for malay guys so yes, he's another chinese boy :) QUDSIA, OUR MEN CANT FIGHT. THEY MUST GET BACK TOGETHER. they must be friends once more, so weird seeing them not together when i used to think they're gay partners!

now, PICTURES! oh gosh, i swear we took a gazillion pictures and i doubt i can post em all but i'll post those significant ones aye?

enjoy!

early in the morning, look at their excited faces :)

PUNGGGGGOOOOL.
mr jeremy han! he told me this, " MASTURA! i cant read ur blog now, i lost ur link!" LOL! my teacher reads my blog hokay!
my boys :D
the best of the best - My rocking Mr Sebastian Lee! the coolest teacher EVER.

look at that iguana, kpo!
kah ray totally deserves that!
a few days back, i got a smile on friendster from a guy named guru and once i viewed his profile, i realised that it was Gurubalan! and raefaath called me up just now using his office's number and i swear i didnt know it was him! he still dare tell me, " i sound very cool, right?!"
sweaty!

I MISS MORNING GREETINGS AT THE BUSTOP FROM HIM!

walaw, i look like shit man.
ELAINE! :D
and yes lucas, i stayed on for ur GRAND ENTRANCE :p
mr lee and mr chua rocking it out. the two fovourites!
OMG, FINALLY ALL THREE ARE PRESENT! bestfriends :)
look at HELMI. he kept appearing! these are the canteen table girls without haz, nonis and gaya.
shahida abdullah, ACCOMPANY ME ON WEDNESDAY!
YEAH, we love pss too much.
the cake was too pretty to be eaten!

probably the best i ever had :(

they all say we're the best :)
asiq said, "tapi aku tk pernah pergi malay class!"

us with the emo boys.
the chinese girls.... minus meng yee who refused to take a pic! hmph!
MISS FARAH! i thought she was happy to see us! :)
then swensens with em
and em.
im her mom, dont you know?
and then we found em!!!! my lower sec kakis.
and then her! wheres my eyes! lol.

so yesterday, my family and a few of my relatives went to batam to get curtains for hari raya and also dropped by nenek's mosque. went to eat at the hotel and took the last ferry home.

i went to batam looking like this.

well, say whatever you want, but i like those pictures :)

take care, lovelies ;)

one in a million.

2007-09-01T15:08:00.000+08:00

everytime i think about yesterday, i feel like crying.
i haven't felt that happy in a long while.
&only them can make me feel that way.

how i wish i can go through everything once more - with all of them.

an update filled with pictures coming up!

i went there, hoping to see someone but came back with thoughts of someone else.
*sigh*

birthdays and annoying guys

2007-08-30T00:10:00.000+08:00

i hate woodlands. not the soccer team, but the town. so when i already hate the town and i discover myself being alone in the middle of night there, it just made me hate it even more. no thanks to yan though.

apart from that, everything went rather well :)

met up with her first

to buy his gift ....

oh gosh, how oilllllyyyy :(

choose one : the waffles or ME? :p

or maybe her? ;)

if you notice, i just can't wait to eat it.

that kentut who left me aloneeeeee. "aper2 call aku tau, jangan luper k", pantat kau la!

i feel good when i am with him cause, he don't look his age either ;)

nonetheless, happy bday to muhd arfian maricar who is already like a brother to me. happy 18th, cuz! no matter how annoying you can be, chasing me and burping at me, you are still my favourite. he keep my secrets and i keep his. may allah bless you always and i will always pray for you :) just, stop growing taller okay? 1.8m should be enough. and make yourself free on the 10th of september at 9pm, don't forget that ;)

heeeeedaaaayaaaah, happy bday to you too, my dear. i know we always argue about who's gonna have ronaldo and such but you know he rightfully belongs to me. but you have mr kyle patrick, yes? or is it mr patrick star? :p but babe, me and the LIFO babes love you still and hope that you always get the best. may He always answer your prayers and may your life be filled with happiness :)

next in line?
sept 4th - Marvin
sept 13th - abah and nat
sept 16th - mak
sept 17th - muni
sept 19th - BOEY KAH RAYYYYY aka my defiant son
sept 24th - thomas
sept 28th - mubarak

whooo, so many september babies. hang on, there is one name missing ...

cant wait for tomorrow! definitely ALOOOOOT of pictures coming up :) and i'm gonna see ALL my favorite people, including that guy who i miss terribly!;) now, i hereby declare, this would be my last public entry since i won't have the time to update tomorrow.

take care, loveeeees :)

------------------------

okay, tell me if i should entertain this guy. he sent me a message on friendster asking if i am a model or if i am still schooling. and then he asked, can we be friends?

i replied, " no, i'm not a model. still schooling."

he misunderstand me, thinking that i said that i refused to be 'friends' with him so he sent back another message, " so, you don't wanna be friends with me? fine with me, who wants to be friends with you anyway?!"

knowing that he misunderstood me, i decided to reply, " ouch, that was harsh. but i think you just misunderstood me. i answered no when you asked whether i am a model or not. but its okay, at least i know the type of person you are. tsk tsk. "

i was nice enough to approve his friend request but after that message, i deleted him off. and he replied, apologising to me. wanting me to 'accept' him back as a friend. he told his niece (which was him too, i think) to send me a message to persuade me to be friends with him.

till today, he still send me messages but i have never replied.

so now, you tell me, am i doing the wrong thing?

the other reason why i don't reply is because he's 28 for heaven's sake. i'm 17.

nono, too big an age gap. maximum 8years :)

(even though i feel 8years is far too big as well)

too big an age gap will cause a generation gap. tsk tsk. like us and that polka dot face.

:p

i love bearded old actors.

2007-08-29T12:30:00.000+08:00

call me weird, but i think he is the sex in sexy.

no, not Gary Oldman but Sirius Black. i can't help but fell in love with him. but he's second coz no one else can steal the top spot from the king of my heart.

i say, you don't mess with a pirate .......

...... savvy? ;)

ps: i read harry potter and the deathly hallows twice and i am hating myself for hating snape. such a brave man.

pps: i love fictional characters more than real people! :p

the decision.

2007-08-28T13:00:00.000+08:00

if you know me well enough, you will know that i am a very private person. i don't like talking about my personal life much and only very few knows about it. i will get very uncomfortable if i talk about them as i don't think anyone else, besides those who matters, needs to know about what's happening in my life.

&i am getting uncomfortable about blogging publicly also. yeah, it took close to three long years for this feeling to emerge. each time i blog, i tend to hold back whatever that i really want to say coz i am afraid that it might be something too personal to me or i might indirectly offend others. so, i wanna get my comfort back.

someone told me to quit blogging entirely. i disagreed coz i feel that its too drastic. so i narrowed it down to two options:

1. Move to LJ, where i can lock certain entries and allow only those under my LJ friend list to read it and at the same time, i can have certain entries that are open to public.

or

2. stick to blogger but privitise the blog.

after much thought and consideration, i decided to discard the former. moving to LJ means i need my friends to set up an LJ account and that requires alot of work for them. by privitising it, i just need to send them invitations. much, much simpler.

so yes, the blog will be privitise from September 1st onwards. my close friends/family will definitely receive an invitation but if you don't receive one, its not because i don't want you to read my blog, but its because i don't have your email address. so, just give me your email addresses, aye? =)

to those who wants to continue reading, you can just email me your email address or send me a friendster message here. please leave your name along so i can know who you are. no worries, you can just drop me a message, i don't bite. (even though i have that gigi taring or dracula teeth!)

have a good day, y'all! :)

i can finally breathe a little.

2007-08-27T00:56:00.000+08:00

the referee just blew the final whistle - Man Utd have won their first game in four matches.

how depressing does that sound?

and Eagle, you are just a pretty face.